My first (collaborative) book – Journey so far and the path ahead

In the last 5 years, I have self-published couple of books exclusively for my family circle and an e-book on Blogchatter. Yet the possibility of working on a book for a global audience, and with a publishing house, from the scratch is always a first-time experience. Guess this is the novelty that keeps authors (and budding ones) to continue working on books and articles. Having engaged readers, like you, is always a pleasure, as it helps in improving my skills as a writer. 

I remember when I first saw the email from Let’s Author in July 2022 requesting me to get in touch with them, to get onboarded as an author for a parenting book titled How to Parent in a Crazy World. I thought that the email was a phishing email.

So the first step was to search for Let’s Author online, and to my surprise, I saw my college senior’s post on social media where she was backing an author for the book One for the Road. I still went ahead and ignored this email for almost a month or more. Suddenly in September 2022, I find the same message from Let’s Author on my LinkedIn messaging Inbox. This time I decided to engage with them. Given my personal & professional commitments, I let them know that until end of October 2022 there was no way I could spare time for this opportunity. Having said that, I wanted to, at the very least, have a conversation to understand what their proposal was. So, we decided to get on a call by end of September 2022 and from that point there has been no looking back. 

In December 2022, crowdfunding went live for this book. With no cohesion in the team, each of the initial collaborating authors spread the word of our book in our network, but the combined push was lacking and hence the crowdfunding did not take off, despite the immense value of the book. I was a bit disappointed. I decided to find out more about CEO of Let’s Author & the company, on LinkedIn, only to find that she was an alumni from my alma mater, BITS Pilani. Now the urge to connect with her was even stronger, when we were informed that the Lead Author had dropped off the project for personal reasons, and our book co-ordinator was also leaving Let’s Author.

The crowdfunding was supposed to close by 15th Jan 2023. I was told that if the pre-orders did not reach the target of 500, then this project will be scrapped. The pre-orders were the way to fund for the publishing of the book as well as see how well the book and its concept was received by the readers, a kind of a dip-stick survey of the public interest. The team that remained came together and got that extended, given that the lead author and book co-ordinator left us abruptly. 

Without any delay, I decided to bell the cat and sent an email to the entire team of remaining collaborating authors with a copy to Let’s Author asking for clarification on the status of this project along with highlighting the lapse in communication and cohesion within the team and coordination between the author team and Let’s Author publishing & marketing team. This paved the way for many changes to come including:

• A change in title of the book – Raising Children in a Changing World
• Moving into the Lead Author role for this new title, along with Jayne Ruff.
• While Jayne reworked on the concept of the book, by bringing clarity to its USP, we all brainstormed for additional chapters based on which we could source for collaborating authors & I handle the programme management aspects of the book.
• From the team of 5 who were remaining from the original project for which we came together, today we are a team of 12 collaborating authors, with each of them contributing one chapter to the book.

You can read about each of us and the chapter blurbs to know the value that we all are trying to bring to you through our book that has our parenting life stories on the crowdfunding page. The chapter blurbs can be found under the Content tab. 

What is the value that we are striving to bring to you through our effort?

Most parenting books available today are functional guides. Not a single one discusses how to become reflexive parents ourselves, attuned to our times. This is an emotional support book for parents raising kids in times of change and uncertainty. In an evolving world that’s fast-paced, unpredictable, ambiguous, and often different to our experienced childhoods, for better or worse. It’s a collection of honest and unfiltered stories from a group of international parents who hope that through openly sharing the highs and lows of their parenting journeys, they can offer reassurance, guidance, and friendship to others as they navigate theirs.

How do we plan on bringing this to you through our book?

• Sharing real-life, relatable stories about the different changes and choices facing parents today
• Offer a global perspective on parenting in a complex and ever-changing world.
• Provide practical advice based on personal experience on adapting and responding to the changes within and around us.
• Its honesty and diversity affirm that there is no one way of parenting but many.

Estimated Date of Publication/Book Launch: 30th October 2023

Here is a list of chapter titles you will see in the book:

• Chapter 1: Parenting Ourselves Before We Parent Our Children
• Chapter 2: Raising Happy Kids and Balancing a Meaningful Career
• Chapter 3: Being a 'Woke' Amma
• Chapter 4: Raising Gender Sensitive Kids 
• Chapter 5: Raising Kids in a Virtual World 
• Chapter 6: Parenting and Mental Health 
• Chapter 7: Parenting and Learning from My Special Needs Son 
• Chapter 8: Raising My Children While Re-Parenting Myself 
• Chapter 9: Raising Kids in A World Of Distraction And High Demand 
• Chapter 10: Raising a Kid as a Single Parent 
• Chapter 11: Supporting our Children through their ‘Coming Out’ Journey
• Chapter 12: Empowering from Birth

To read the chapter blurbs visit - https://payment.letsauthor.com/order?book=How-to-Parent-in-A-Crazy-World, click on Content tab, and the chapter title that you would like to glimpse. 

And if you are happy with what you are reading and would like to own a copy and support us in getting the book published, you can pre-order your copy as well by clicking on the Order Now button on the right panel. You can also see the names of the people who are backing us by placing the pre-orders under the Backers tab.

While the aspiration to write books has been a constant, this is the first time I am working with a team and I am enjoying this process of collaborative building of a book from it concept to the end product. Do visit book page and leave a comment here about what you think about our project. And do grab your copy by pre-ordering the same to learn from lived experiences of our parenting journeys to support you in yours. Do look us up on our socials and we will be happy to strike up a conversation on parenting challenges to arrive at better solutions to overcome /address them. 

The team is currently working on the individual chapters for the manuscript to be developed and sent to the publishing team in a couple of months to be on track for an October 2023 launch. 

This blog is part of Blogchatter’s:

• #CauseAChatter challenge, as this is one of the ways by which I am leaving behind my responsible #DigialFootprints as well as working together with the team for the benefit of the larger collective, not just the team benefiting by publishing, but carefully bringing authors and their respective parenting stories for the rest of the world to also benefit from their journeys and lessons.
• #TBRChallenge (#BookChatter) for the year 2023. Of course I am going to read my own book while building the manuscript as well as after. 

I also hope to see my book on the Blogchatter’s book review programme, but that is still a long time away as the book launch is only in October 2023. 

'The Miracle is us… All of us..' Encanto – Movie Review

Encanto seems to be a raving success, especially among the 6 – 15-year-old for sure. Read on to know why it could be so.

I am also seeing many schools and organisations picking and choosing the characters of this movie and coming up with Escape Rooms, debate and discussion topics in schools and children study groups (outside schools too). Now that I have shared a link, I think a couple of disclaimers are also necessary to be cleared in the get go:

• This is not a sponsored / paid promotional post either for Disney, Encanto or for the other service organisations that get mentioned or linked here.
• The opinions in this blog are mine based on my perspective about the movie and it may or may not be matching those of the makers and researchers of the movie.
• Spoiler Alert: The blog may reveal more about the movie and its nuances, so if you would like to come back to this blog after watching the movie, I would recommend you save this blog for later reading, and go and watch the movie first – in which ever language you understand and are comfortable to watch it in.

Family of Madrigal

Let us take the song at the start of the movie, which is about the Family of Madrigal (The Family Madrigal). The Madrigal Family is bestowed upon by a miracle, when Pedro, Alma Madrigal’s (abuela) husband, is killed during the armed attack on their village. This miracle helps the rest of the survivors hide (after blasting the attackers) in the form of a charmed hidden place called Encanto surrounded by the mountains of Columbia, and a magical candle that keeps the magic alive and ensures the protection of the people who survived this armed attack. 

I personally loved the song and was waiting eagerly till the end of the song only to realise that the family and entire village did not know what Mirabel’s gift was. I thought her gift was being able to understand the miraculous Madrigal House itself, in the way the song was picturised. By the end of the song, she would have introduced every member of her family and their unique yet prized gifts that they were blessed upon, in their childhood. The ending of the song showed how the family, or the village was oblivious to an obvious gift only because they could not see the magic that Mirabel was capable of, because it did not fit the norm that was expected by the mass. 

‘Each new Generation MUST keep the miracle burning’ – The word MUST shows the implicit expectation and the possible pressure that this expectation can have on all the family members of Madrigal, especially when Mirabel’s gift seemed to have skipped (but in reality, it wasn’t just what the family and the town people expected. Her gift was part of what we know to be an intangible skill). In fact, I thought Mirabel had more than one gift in the song itself – compassion, empathy, and ability to understand everyone and everything around her – all intangible skills that probably can’t be measured in any traditional sense. 

When Mirabel is ready to go home and a small girl with flower in her plaited hair, asks her ‘What is your gift?’, first I saw a representation of women and girls from my country who wear flowers in the exact same manner and was pleasantly surprised. Kudos to Disney for bringing in narratives that were representative of the many different people and cultures in the world. This one family had many different shades of skin too in the family members and hair types as well, which is again a huge shift from the stereotypical white representative characterisation of even (South) Asian characters like Jasmine and Mulan. 

The end of the song where Mirabel struggles to get out from the incessant questions of the children about her gift because she was made to believe that she did not have one, because the family did not understand what her gift really was when she received it, shows the real pain that every person who is different from the majority goes through in family or in any kind of team/group, even in a work situation. The typical way of her cousin blurting out that Mirabel did not get one and the obvious shock registered on the children’s faces and the sense of disappointment and shame at self for failing such an extraordinary family of gifted individuals, is the best representation of what many of us probably go through in real life (a version of imposter syndrome), until they are able to accept themselves for who they are (albeit different from the rest, yet special) and celebrate their uniqueness before the rest of the world can see it for themselves.

Waiting on a Miracle: This very next song that follows The Family Madrigal song, tugged at my heart strings mainly because of the emotions that it invoked with the picturisation of the Mirabel’s longing to be accepted as being worthy of this family of gifted individuals, the characterisation of the family and subtle undercurrent that was established by then, by most family members who thought Mirabel was a sign of doom or mediocrity. 

Pressure of Perfection & Social Emotional Learning (SEL)

Mirabels’s sisters Luisa (the strong one) and Isabela (the symbol of perfection) express their anxiety and stress stemming from the fear of failure. Luisa sings about her anxiety due to the failure affecting her strength (her miracle gift). She would like to have a break from shouldering the weight of expectation of always exhibiting strength and progress and have some time to deal with herself and her self-doubts. On the same note, Isabela brings a point of view of having to stick to only a few of the things that she can do because she is expected to be perfect in what she creates using her magic. She longs to want to try to see what more she can possibly create with her gift and her experimental efforts yield a beautiful outcome. Yet, it angers their abuela, who reprimands Mirabel implying that her involvement might negatively impact the magic of gifts (and fearing that it might probably even weaken the magic’s strength) bestowed upon their family and the protection it provides to their village. 

“The elephant in the room” suffering from this pressure of perfection is Mirabel’s uncle, Bruno. The story unfolds showing that the family shuns Bruno because of his gift of precognition (reminded me of the Minority Report and the precogs from the movie). This skill again is stunted because of the pressure of perfection that is expected from Mirabel’s abuela (who is probably driven by her fear), as stated by Bruno. He is never good enough is the idea that seems to have been deeply personalised by him, due to which he decides to stay hidden from the family, by living in the spaces between the walls of the magical house. He also thinks that the family and the village only expect him to have positive visions, and when he has an incomplete vision or a not to great vision, he gets anxious about performance issues. When Mirabel also pushes him to show her the complete vision that he had about her, he visualises Mirabel needing to embrace a young woman (assumed to be Isabela) and embrace the relationship with its flaws and the person itself for who she is (strengths and vulnerabilities intact). 

The movie does go on to unfold a different plot, which is great to watch and understand the bigger picture, stressing the importance of SEL in understanding self and the others as well, in the family or in the context of any relationship in our lives. It also brings up the issue of how trauma of early years can impact the perceptions and life decisions of an individual, and how essential it is to embrace ourselves with our abilities and vulnerabilities as well and know when to ask family/friends for support. 

Many of these are feelings and emotions that the children between the age group of 6 & 15 go through due to the pressure of expectation from family, carers, educators, and well-wishers. While we all mean well, somewhere we need to keep a check on what drives our care and expectations and make sure it is not our unfounded fear that drives our expectations/actions, as we might run the risk of making the children feel suffocated with our care.

Diversity, Representation & Inclusion

For the first time, I have been ecstatic seeing so many different characters with different physical features, including the type of hair, the placement of flowers on the hair, the accessories worn, the colour & texture of the hair with differences that is representative of the real people’s physical features and cultural accessories that are used. A story that revolves around real life incidents (and not some fairy tale) that are very relatable, even when one may not know the historical event that probably inspired the story line. 

Mirabel looks like my friend from my school days, and this is a feeling not just for me, even my daughter feels that maybe because the character’s design is like an everyday person you come across in your life (not a larger-than-life princess). The small girl with the flower in her plaited hair reminded me of my cousins and myself in our childhood when we had that long a hair, which was oiled and plaited, and flowers adorned them (if not daily at least once a week). The entire family of Madrigal and its members are like any of our (extended) families. In India till recently, joint families that large lived under the same roof. I grew up in one such family! 

At the end of the movie, the entire family accepts everyone as they are, is understanding of their vulnerabilities and embraces them with these vulnerabilities… And the song ‘All of You’ is a treasure to listen, summarising all the learnings of every character in the movie, for us to take along with us when we walk out of the movie. Here is the portion from that song that I love the most:

But the stars don't shine, they burn

And the constellations shift

I think it's time you learn

You're more than just your gift

And I'm sorry I held on too tight

Just so afraid I'd lose you too

The miracle is not some magic that you've got

The miracle is you, not some gift, just you

The miracle is you

All of you, all of you

(Credits - Encanto, Disney)

Let us all take this with us always to be remembered, ‘the miracle is us, all of us’ and make this our guiding thoughts for every action of ours, including building and nurturing relationships (personal or professional). This is one movie (of a few of the more recent movies that focuses on the cultural diversity, equity & inclusion in addition to relatability, like Coco – maybe a review of that soon 😉) I would recommend that each one of us see and show to our young ones and have discussions around the various characters, their stories, their issues and how could that be overcome if this was something that we knew was a personal problem for any of our family members or friends. 

This blog is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter challenge, #MentalHealth, #Discrimination.

Four Shopping Habits to Avoid for Sustainable Living

My first blog on the series of #CauseAChatter by Blogchatter under the #EnvironmentalTalks was Baby steps towards Sustainable Living. While it is easy to read and write about such topics, to really incorporate it as a lifestyle, takes a huge level of commitment from self and the ability to lead by example. This will help to positively impact our circle of influence to follow our lead, especially when we have members from two or three generations (older or younger). 

While it took us a few years to instill these concepts in all our family members, we did start our journey with the #NeedvsWant discussions at home. Any buying decision being considered, big or small, including the weekly grocery list and vegetables, always went through this filter. This has become so much a part of our lives that even our children use this for validating their wish list! When you do not buy in excess or something that may not be used at all, then the waste generated automatically reduces at source, thereby doing our part in contributing towards maintaining a healthy environment for our future generations. 

Here are four habits on how to achieve sustainable living and helping to potentially reduce waste generation at source:

Unplanned Shopping

Planning, and sticking to the plan as much as possible under any circumstances helps to keep our expense pattern and our purchase pattern under our control, which in turn results in lesser waste generation as we are anyway buying only what we need and will use.

• Always have a shopping list and try not to deviate from this list. 
• Make the shopping list after taking stock of what you have at home. Only include the necessities on the list. 
• When you have an urge to shop any additional items, evaluate the #NeedvsWant e.g. you can add an additional snack that your children may enjoy, but not overstock them.

Stress Shopping

I have had some of my friends call me for a day out shopping as a stress relief activity. This, I think, is an extremely costly and ineffective way to relieve stress. There are more efficient and effective methods of stress relief that include, exercise, practicing mindfulness (processing emotions, meditation), Yoga, gardening, and many more. 

Shopping is never a stress-buster activity. When it is for just the necessities, it contributes towards reduced waste generation at source and is light on our finances as well. 

A good alternative to stress shopping could be window shopping (no actual purchases) or moving items to an online Wishlist (instead of the shopping cart) to be reconsidered later. These are only temporary fixes. The best would be to work on addressing the root cause of the stress and completely remove it.

Extravagant Shopping

Buying items to keep the projected image of a social stature is another fallacy that would weigh heavily on our finances as well as the waste of resources and probably contribute to higher waste creation. The status definers, like trends, keep changing quite frequently, and keeping up with it might eventually even add to the stress in your life. 

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) should never be a driver for shopping. If you shop to stay in trend, understand that in the current times, trends change every day, sometimes twice in a single day. When we base our purchase decisions to stay in line with trends, we will always be part of a game of catch-up, wasting our time, money, and resources and still not be in trend more often. All the ‘out of trend’ items pile onto the waste / useless stuff. 

Indulgent Shopping 

I fail to see the difference between this and stress shopping, but I have had advice coming my way that I should sometimes indulge myself in shopping to treat myself. I have never seen a point to this, especially when this indulgent behaviour is only a temporary fix to any problem or a mere few minutes/hours of happiness. In the long run, you will probably regret the decision of purchase, especially when it gets added to the growing pile of unused items. 

My way of indulging is different, I guess. For me, anything to do with mindfulness and sustainability is to indulge. I enjoy finding new ways to positively contribute to my family’s cost-saving and waste reduction effort, and try and do my bit towards positively impacting the society at large as well.

We aren’t Minimalistic

I wouldn’t categorise ourselves at minimalistic standards. Our conscious choices on purchase decisions indulging in Need vs Want debates have made our buying pattern moderate. This helped especially during the pandemic lockdown times as we were always aware of what was needed for our family, what was available in our stock, and when we needed to replenish them by how much. 

This enables us, as a family, to stay away from panic buying and judiciously work with the available stock till we could add more to it when we were allowed to. Lockdown restrictions only meant adjusting to the store timings rather than feeling constricted or afraid that we would not have enough.

I hope that these not-so-healthy shopping practices that we learned to tackle over the years would serve as a starting point of your self-explorative journey towards sustainable shopping habits that can also contribute to a better and healthy environment (by saving on resources and reducing waste generation at source) & better use of our personal finances. 

This post is part of Blogchatter's #CauseAChatter - #EnvironmentalTalks

My Perspectives on “Shakuntala Devi” by Anu Menon

Even while being locked inside the home during this unprecedented Covid19 lockdown, I managed to see the movie Shakuntala Devi by Anu Menon – an Amazon Prime exclusive release, only recently. One word to summarize the movie is ‘Awesome’. The life story of the ‘Human Computer’ has been given a focus from humanising her as a Mother and a self-made Entrepreneur and the angle of mental health of the woman, from the viewpoint of her daughter.

Every dialogue, every incident, and every personal struggle that unfolded in this genius’ life has been well captured - in the choice of words used for dialogues, narration, or enacting by lead characters.

The dialogues that I related very well with

'हर माँ बुरी माँ होती है ।' (Har Maa Buri Maa Hoti Hai) – ‘Every mother is a bad mother’ - A statement that Anu’s (Daughter of Shakuntala Devi) mother-in-law tells Anu when she self criticizes her inability to put her own daughter to sleep and is torn from within, due hormonal, psychological & physiological mess that pregnancy, delivery, perinatal care leaves a mother in. Even my daughter who watched this movie had a reaction to this sequence of dialogues – She asked me with eyes popping out ‘So do you really spoil us either way?’

'मैंने अपने माँ को सिर्फ एक माँ के रूप में देखा, उसे एक औरत के नज़रिये से देखा ही नहीं!' (Meine apne maa ko sirf ek maa ke roop mein dheka, use ek aurath ke nazariye se dheka hi nahi) – ‘I never understood my Mom as a woman and only looked at her as a mother’. This line at the end of the movie summarises the hate and anger that almost every daughter has towards her mother while growing up and vows to never become like her mother (very few idolise their mother during their teenage).

These two statements break the circle of toxicity that surrounds a woman due to the socio-cultural expectations of a woman and a mother. The movie very beautifully unfolds by trying to highlight this inner battle that every woman goes through in her life trying to be who she is and trying to fit herself in the mold of who she should be. It tugs at my heartstring every time the insecurity of having to choose responsibility above passion, in the fear of losing a battle – a battle more within me rather than with any external factor.

How complex have we made the society with gender-based norms and clichés, that anything we discuss always seems like going in circles, with seemingly no end, unless we break it with self-reflection and realisation!

Another line that I loved was the one by Tarabai (Sheeba Chadda), 'एक लड़की जो अपनी मन की  सुनती है और दिल खोल के हस्ती है, मर्द के लिए उससे डरावना क्या हो सकता है?' (Ek ladki jo apni man ki sunti hai aur dil khol ke hasti hai, mardo ke liye usse daravana kya ho sakta hai?) – A girl who follows her heart, laughs loudly with no inhibitions, is already a reason to be scared in the perspective of men. The free spirit of wanting to enjoy life and live in the moment is well brought out by the most talented Vidhya Balan (as Shakunthala Devi) and also by Sanya Malhotra (as Anupama).

But the best dialogue that brings out the prevalent sexism, that is not only there in India but worldwide, is the dialogue between young Shakuntala and her sister

Shakuntala’s sister: एक दिन तू भी बहुत बड़ी आदमी बनेगी। (Ek din tu bhi bahut badi aadmi banegi - One day you will become a great man).

Shakuntala: आदमी क्यों बनूँगी? (Aadmi kyun banungi? - Why will I become a man?)

Shakuntala’s sister: बड़ी औरत बनूँगी थोड़ी कुछ है? (Badi aurat banungi thodi kuch hota hai? - There is no term like great woman)

Shakuntala: फिर तो मैं बड़ी औरत ही बनूँगी! (Fir toh main badi aurat hi banungi! - Then I will surely become a great woman)

This also showed the grit, determination, and fearless nature of young Shakuntala who would grow up to challenge this world and its (gender) norms!

For me, this movie showed how a young girl child grows up to be a successful woman known worldwide, despite the personal struggles that she has at every stage, not just with the society but with herself being torn between who she should be and who she is. Despite this struggle and many setbacks, she is able to stay true to her words 'मैं कभी नहीं हारति, always remember that!' (Main kabhi nahi haarti always remember that! - I never fail, always remember that). This attitude to never give up is what always gives her the strength to pull herself out of any situation, even the emotional mess that she herself creates for her and her loved ones. This also allows her to accept ‘What is’ before finding the ‘What next’, even if it means accepting the slew of charges that her daughter (through the hired lawyer) files against her in a criminal case against her own mother! It turns out that this was as a result of another one of the dramatical steps taken by Shakuntala (who owns up to the dramatical nature of Indians earlier in the movie) to get in touch with her daughter, who refuses to even answer phone calls from her mother’s secretary.

The movie also very nicely captures the nurturing side of men in the charaterisation of Javier (Shakuntala’s mentor, who develops a liking for her and as per Shakuntala her lover as she professes when he leaves her, as he feels that she does not need him anymore), Paritosh Banerji (Shakuntala’s husband who gives a very beautiful definition for loving his wife – ‘To love Shakuntala is to Let her go’ breaking the stereotype of a controlling patriarchal male figure), and Amit Sadh (Anupama’s husband. The lovely banter that goes back-and-forth between this young couple and how at every juncture he is characterised as a supportive husband who tells her to deal with her internal struggles with herself, her parents and his parents instead of jumping on him or any other unsuspecting person, who unknowingly becomes a trigger for her unresolved issues to surface).

By the end of the movie, I was in tears mainly because of how beautifully the message on the importance of addressing one’s mental trauma, especially childhood trauma with one’s own parents was highlighted. When this is not addressed, it can have a huge impact on the child’s self-image and self-worth during their lifetime! Nothing or no one can satiate the thirst of this child to be someone unless this early trauma is addressed!

Makes me very happy that such movies and messages can be part of commercialised cinema as well so that it reaches the masses. Added pride is that I am a part of the proud alumni network as the director of the movie!

Note to the movie crew: I saw this movie on a weekday evening around 5 p.m. My son (9 yrs old) saw half the movie and then went out to play with his friends. When it was dinner time and I was in the kitchen, my son was convincing my daughter (13 yrs old) to watch this movie as their dinner-time movie. His pitch was ‘Oh this is a movie about a girl who is a Math genius and can find cube roots faster than a computer’ and they start watching. My daughter tells me when I come out to join them with my dinner plate, ‘I have been smiling ear-to-ear while watching the movie so far and I do not know why I am smiling. She (Shakuntala) is trying so hard (to prove herself).’

Thank you team Shakuntala for engaging children from different age groups and gender with a riveting storyline and screenplay. I had to create a logical break for them to stick to their weekday routine for bed so that they wake up well rested for the online school the next morning. They came back to the movie to complete watching it the next day evening after school!

Gratitude: I am very grateful that this movie has brought to life the internal struggles of people who do not fit the norm of society, not just Shakuntala or Anupama, but also in the form of their supportive and understanding husbands. It enables the discussion on perception and the resulting stress that a person goes through due to perceived notions (real or hypothetical, self-directed or external). It also brings to light the power of looking within to break the cycle of toxicity by accepting ‘What is’ and then addressing ‘What can be done’ to bring contentment in one’s life!

If I have to dissect the aspects of this gratitude then I will have to elaborately speak on every frame of this movie that seems to bring out layers of human nature, emotions, perception and the behaviour that these emotions & perception result in, based on the circumstances at a particular instance of an individual’s life. Doing that level of analysis will result in my writing a book (and not an article about the movie) on life philosophies that are deeply rooted in behavioural science fundamentals!

As an end note, I would like to leave you all with this food for thought: The good, bad, ugly and nasty emotions, and ensuing behaviour are all part of each and every one of us. This movie very beautifully brought that aspect of human nature to light by seamlessly bringing this in every character (central or otherwise) of the plot. Highly recommended watch.

Let it Go! Let it Go! - The Self Guilt - Let it Go!

Thanks to the ever-charming host ‘King’ Khan, Latha started watching a popular TV show - “TED Talks India”. On a relaxed Sunday, she saw a recorded episode, focusing on women empowerment. Two speakers talked about girl child education (Safeena Hussain – Educate Girls) and standing up for sexually abused children and women (Trisha Shetty – SheSays). Both these speakers and their causes hit too close to home – one because she believed that educating the girls is really a single stop solution to most problems that we see in our society and the other jolted her from her pacified state of mind that all is fine, to acknowledge that some wounds are so deep that the scars remain for life!

Halfway through the narrative of Trisha, Latha was stunned to feel raging emotions in her mind and tears started rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably. Just then her husband entered the living room, got a glimpse of the TV screen and immediately rushed to give her a comforting hug. This instant feeling of love and security gave her the shoulder she wanted and she eventually calmed down – as Trisha completed her speech and the sound of claps reverberated from the TV screen. 

Like Trisha and millions of women across the world, Latha had also experienced such abuses. In her early teens, Latha was visiting her relatives’ home during her summer vacation for a short homestay. Taking advantage of the situation that she was staying alone with his family that night, without her parents, one of her cousins had touched her inappropriately when she was sound asleep.  She had just hit puberty and was already dealing with physical and emotional changes and was baffled by experiencing such a lewd behaviour at such an unexpected moment. Though she had the presence of mind to quickly react & run to safety before it could have gotten any worse, she felt immense shame to not be able to share it with any of the adults around. In the morning, to her astonishment, her abuser coxed her to remain silent and made her feel guilty by implying that she probably enjoyed the encounter as well! His remarks were convincing enough for her to carry the guilt, though she strongly refuted his lewd statements. She missed her mother and could not wait to get back to her home.

Once in the safety of her home, she still could not bring herself to speak to her Mom. Every emotion that Trisha was talking about, including looking at herself in the mirror and asking “Why did it happen to her?” “Why did she let it happen?” “How did she let it happen?” kind of questions in a never-ending loop drove her crazy and eventually she decided that she had to let it all out. Still, she wasn’t comfortable talking about it to anyone, not even her Mother who unlike the other mothers of that generation, was very friendly and open to talk anything. Almost a month had passed and she feared that her Mother might also judge her. So, she decided to pen it down in a diary and kept it well hidden in her shelf. She kept moving the dairy every day, but as fate would have it, her Mother did find it and also read it and confronted her.

Though Latha felt cornered, her Mother comforted her and said she will not be judged and that she need not blame herself (as Latha had written in the diary), as it was not her fault. Hearing this, Latha started bawling, lying down in her Mom’s lap. Her mother told her not to hold herself responsible, and that most women go through this, including herself! This shocked Latha to another silence but made her realise how the double standard of this society places an enormous burden on the woman for character building and associates the same with her sexual chastity. The absurdity of this was something she wanted to change and this prompted her to choose her career path in Behavioural Sciences. Mother asked Latha to “let go” of her guilt and promised to stay by her for any emotional support that she needed. A few months of erratic emotions and a few Mom-Daughter talks (Mom playing the role of a counsellor) later, Latha was able to come out of victim mentality and guilt, but the incident itself left a deep scar in the mind of a teen that she hasn’t been able to forget.

She never went back to that relatives’ home after this, though she did not shy away from speaking with that family if she happened to meet them on other occassions. Her abuser never bothered her again - guess he saw the change in the demeanour of Latha and felt that he might end up in trouble if he pursued her further. There were other such encounters where aged men tried to take advantage of a teenager alone at home or those leechers who felt no shame to grope her on a crowded bus, that she took for her school.

Such incidents only strengthened the resolve that Latha had made to pursue a career in Psychology, primarily to be the kind of support that her Mother was for her, to many more than just her future children. Her Mother always quoted that “You can only feel guilt when you were responsible for an action”. In all these cases, Latha was only a passive innocent recipient of abusive behaviour, and so she was not responsible for what she had to face. This lesson stuck with her for life.

She knew that not all survivors were lucky like her to have a Mother who listened and supported them in all their decisions and situations. She wanted to set up a support system for sexual abuse victims to cope with the after-effects of such trauma and also to spread the message that a survivor of sexual abuse has no need to wallow in self-guilt. She aspires to create a society where not only girls but boys are also taught about boundaries, educated about appropriate and inappropriate behaviour, taught to acknowledge and deal with emotions and vulnerability and create a gender-neutral mindful parenting strategy, that would enable parents to bring up well-rounded (grounded), responsible adults.

This focus drove Latha to pursue Arts and Science after school, top her Masters in Behavioural Science and become a Psychotherapist who excels in counselling sexual abuse survivors, their families, conduct parental workshops to increase awareness on related topics for both genders, including giving tips on gender-neutral parenting strategies that ensure healthy mental growth and outlook for the children. Hearing Trisha speak of similar vision made her feel that she is not alone and there is hope for a better tomorrow for our future generations.

As Latha woke up the next day, reminding herself to get in touch with SheSays, she walked to her home office to get ready for her first appointment of the day.

Yes – she now helps others also to “let go” of the unwarranted guilt!

Art & AI

Had an interesting conversation with my first born (FB) at dinner time. 

Me: Can AI be part of Art?

My FB: AI is already Art!

Me: Eh! No I meant can Art come into AI or do you think it can replace Art anytime soon? (Mind voice: maybe I am being too complicated with my questioning to a tween)

My FB: I know... And that is exactly what I am saying. (A little impatiently but with conviction) Making something artificial is art. AI now has the capacity to cook. Cooking is as much as art as it is science. Also, it is 'Art'ificial Intelligence... Even the name has art in it!

Me: ....... Mm mm...... Mm mm mm Right... (a pregnant pause and eyes wide open... Maybe my mouth too) I am grateful that I will never be your career counselor, as I am your parent. Wow! Wow!

I know some of you are wondering why I had to make a blog post out of this conversation and not just make it a status update message! That is because, her reasoning blew my mind and I wanted to record it for eternity for me to refer to it with ease, lest I forget it. It will also remind me of that feeling of being blown by the ingeniousness of her thought process. 

Another proud moment to be a parent to children who really think.

Playing A Small Part in my Social Responsibility

My volunteering journey has been quite long and has traveled with me to every school that I have moved to as a child and to every country I have relocated as an adult. Giving back in kind to the community that I reside in, is something I have picked up from my childhood. “Our Village Our Responsibility” (OVOR - #OurVillageOurResponsibility, #OVOR) is an organisation that I have had the pleasure to be associated with after my recent move to India. They are a team, who is passionate about making things better around for all of us, a group of people who share similar views as me.

Their call for volunteer tutors on their Facebook page, to conduct eTeaching for children studying in Government schools in the Virudhunagar district, caught my attention and thus started my association with the founder, Ms. Kavitha K Pandian – an NRI living in the USA. Through their “Classes through Skype” initiative, English and Computer subjects are taught across 28 Government Schools in Virudhunagar, Dindugal, Villupuram and Theni Districts, covering 5200+ students per week involving 150+ volunteer tutors. 

Our Village Our Responsibility was registered as a trust in 2018, though Ms. Kavitha has been working towards this cause individually for around 15 years. The main focus areas for OVOR are: 

• Motivating youngsters to participate & work towards ensuring better governance by elected representatives and public servants.
• Focusing on bringing Govt schools to the forefront by
• Teaching English, National Means-Cum-Merit Scholarship (NMMS) & Computer Science through Skype. This is to bridge the gap between the private schools and government schools, where the government schools are at a disadvantage due to the challenge in the available resources (including personnel and materials). 
• Improvement in Infrastructure: A very critical aspect of providing quality education, especially for the girl children and first-generation learners. In order to make education more appealing and comfortable, infrastructure is a key factor. E.g. toilets, safe and strong school building, comfortable chairs & tables to sit, a library with at least a handful of books for additional reading to improve language and knowledge.

I have been tutoring 25 children in Class VIII from Government High School, Thulukapatty in Virudhunagar District, once a week, for the past 6 months. When an opportunity presented, I also made a personal visit to the school on 18-Nov-19 for face-to-face interaction with the children and staff. 

Having lived in the city all my life, even the Government School building that I have come across, was big in size. This school, which was about 30 minutes’ drive from the town of Virudhunagar, was quite small and no bigger than 4000 sq ft area (maybe even lesser than that). It has a total strength of 156 students (Classes I to X) and 8 teachers who are responsible of teaching these children every subject and prepare them to face the exams of school and life. Having said that, I could not find even one unhappy child in that school. Every direction I turned, I only saw curious happy faces, eager to know who I was (a stranger who was visiting their school). 

I spent almost 2 hours with Class VIII. I had prepared 2 interactive activities to understand how I needed to change my approach to teaching English for them. One was a translation of a small Tamil moral story and the other was to build a passage or a few sentences using 5 random words. They put in their best and earnestly tried to do both these activities for my benefit. In all that 2 hours, I never saw a bored face, a face that was frustrated to sit in class, none of them wanted to walk out of the classroom when the break bell rang. They all were actively participating in the classroom activity, being seated on the floor. That showed me a new perspective of life at a Government school and made me want to do more for the eager to learn spirit. This day turned out to be a humbling and happy experience for me. From the response of the children, I am to understand that they also had fun & benefitted from my visit.

There are people who do chequebook charity and there are those who spare their time and effort for the same cause. Both kinds are needed for any purpose to see the light of day. While I and many like me spare our time for Skype tutoring, there have been many who have contributed in the form of money and materials that made the installation of a computer room with at least a dozen systems, broadband connection to make Skype classes possible and a room to hold these things. This school and many like this one still need basic infrastructure improvement and basic amenities like clean toilets. 

I would urge all those who do not provide for either of the above, to do their share either for OVOR (or through other means), to do something to give back to the community. The contentment and the sense of achievement of being an instrument of change in someone’s life is a big personal morale booster that nothing else in life can give you. 

My earnest request to all parents (esp. with children studying in private schools) and youngsters who want to bring in a social change: Please join hands with such volunteering initiatives and do visit at least one government school, for them to give them an exposure to being socially inclusive and responsible.

Let us do our share to realise the dreams of our leaders who dreamt of a socially inclusive and adaptive society that treats every individual with the same dignity and respect as self!

Draft National Education Policy (NEP) - An invigorating day-long dialogue practitioners (Part 2)

Draft National Education Policy (NEP) - An invigorating day-long dialogue practitioners (Part 1)

Post Lunch Sessions

Mr. Nandakumar took the stage (again) to talk in length on School Education. He gave the facts and governing bodies as listed by the policy and concluded his speech with a few observations of his:

1. The governing bodies that will be set up will be mutually exclusive in their functions and roles and hence there will be no conflict of interest. 
2. The split of school education is 5+3+3+4. The last 4 years correspond to 9-12 standard with 4 years, 8 semesters, and 24 subjects with flexibility for students to choose subjects of their choice in addition to the mandatory subjects.

His suggestions, which he said he had already written to the concerned people were:

• Lack of single government-approved rating agency, like the OFSTED in the UK, to rank schools based on some valid criteria such as child safety, inclusivity, active learning, etc.
• No mention of PPP - Private Public Partnerships.
• Private schools to be declared as “industries”.
• Go beyond School Management Committees (SMC) and bring in Boards (Board of Trustees/directors with roles and responsibilities.)
• Bring Coupon system for fee payment where the coupon can be given to the school during admission, which can be converted to money by submitting to the treasury by the school. If the parent wishes to secure private school admission for the child, then the coupon can be topped up with personal money for the difference in fee!

Next, we had Mr. Divanshu Kumar, Founder & CEO Involve - focus area being peer teaching with Student Leaders and Student Learners as stakeholders. The draft NEP talks about National Tutors Program (NTP), which is in line with the focus area of Involve. He gave a concise picture of their solution for improving learning outcomes in school children, the assessment modality and how they have witnessed a marked increase in the learning outcome with the group that was part of their program. He also spoke how the model is a viable solution for the NTP suggested by the draft. The result of his program saw student leaders (role of peer teachers) develop 21st-century skills like collaborating, cooperating, creativity, communication, flexibility in addition to literacy.

Dr. Uma Muthuram, Managing Trustee, Suyam Charitable Trust, spoke about Equity and Inclusion in Draft NEP. She raised a few operational concerns regarding the lofty changes that the policy was speaking about. She registered her reservations on the effective execution of the policy to its spirit, based on her current and earlier experience with bureaucracy and regulatory authorities.

Ms. Pooja Jayaram, Education Consultant and Teach for India Alumnus, spoke at length on Curriculum and Pedagogy based on her experience as a fellow of Teach for India initiative. Her concern was that the rural-urban divide may become more pronounced if the implementation of the processes documented in NEP, doesn’t take into consideration the practical implications with respect to the teaching abilities of the volunteers who are expected to support the schools!

Another panel discussion ensued with the stage adorned by Mr. Vikas Arya, Director - DAV Group of Schools, Ms. Vidhyavathi, Head Mistress - TVS Higher Secondary School Madurai, Ms. Gowri Shivshankar, Principal - Chettinad Harishree Vidyashram, Ms. Aruna Rathnam, Executive Director - Madhuram Narayanan Centre for Exceptional Children on Draft NEP and the Teacher. The common point raised was on the aspect of the implementation. From the practice standpoint, they felt that there will be challenges in implementing the change, based on the current and previous practices that they have had the chance to experience over their tenure. Also, Ms. Aruna Rathnam felt disappointed that the draft NEP does not talk anything about exceptional children and their education.

Last but not the least, on stage, was Mr. Vishwanathan Radhakrishnan, Corporate Volunteer to share his views on Remedial Instructional Aides Program (RIAP). Like the NTP, RIAP is also an initiative that involves community engagement to support school teachers in addressing the gap in achieving Foundational literacy and numeracy.

Key Take-Aways:

• The Draft NEP is a welcome step to uplift our national educational system combining the traditional Indian and modern international pedagogy and emerge as leaders in the educational front.
• The clear differentiation of regulatory, governing and implementing bodies removes any conflict of interest and would ensure better quality education.
• The Census exams proposed at standard 3, 5, and 8 are not to be confused with board exams. They are a way to assess the student’s ability to understand the minimum requirements for that stage and if there is a mismatch noticed, then the needed corrective action with additional teaching/learning support could be provided.
• The three-language system is expected at basic proficiency. Learning more than one language in a diverse nation like ours increases the prospects of better career planning and makes relocation (due to globalization) seem like a breeze. 
• Imbibing 21st Century skills and increasing the employability of graduating students.
• Concept of school blocks, which necessarily do not mean the closing of small schools, but combining of facilities of bigger schools with that of the small school that cannot scale up to become big enough so that the student learning is enhanced and hindrances due to scalability can be avoided.
• Bringing World-Class universities (similar to Elite Universities of the USA) by urging the Type 1 colleges to increase standards to meet the necessary requirement. Similarly, Type 2 and 3 colleges to continuously strive to up their standards to better themselves in delivering quality education to the graduates enrolled in their institutions.
• The focus to shift from rote learning to experiential and practical learning for all ages. 
• Equip our children with the confidence to face exams instead of fear and shift the focus from marks to learning outcomes and subject knowledge understanding.

As a concluding remark, the organisers TNYTF, Bluewhistle, and the experts & panelists alike urged the participants themselves and the general public to read through the draft (even if the time duration to give suggestions has expired by now). As this policy has the capacity to run its course for at least 2 decades (if not 3), it can undergo revisions if needed. If anyone wishes to submit their recommendations, suggestions, changes, concerns or comments on draft NEP, it is now very easy to do so. Just register yourself on Mygov.in and then look up Draft NEP 2019 and then give your feedback (this page also has links to the summary of the policy in different languages) on the respective section as you would like to.

I know it was a long read (hence the 2 part article), but I think it was very important to share the information based on facts, to remove the misinformation that is spreading panic and confusion among a various section of the population. Also, this is going to impact each and every individual or family irrespective of your stake on the system. So please download the Draft NEP (English) and read it, or at least skim through it like a non-fictional read! The summary of the draft is also available in other languages. Here is a link to the Tamil and Hindi version for the summary.

Draft National Education Policy (NEP) - An invigorating day-long dialogue practitioners (Part 1)

On 27-July-2019 (Sat), I attended a dialogue on the much-discussed and debated, Draft National Education Policy (NEP) 2019 at D.G. Vaishnav College, organised and hosted by Tamil Nadu Young Thinkers Forum (TNYTF), in association with D.G. Vaishnav College.

I had already started reading the draft before this meeting. Skimming through this sheer volume of 484-pages document was a bit daunting. I spent more time on Early Childhood Care and Education (ECCE) & Foundational Literacy and Numeracy sections. I personally felt, both these topics were well-documented (excellent English) and well researched on every possible aspect.

The speakers of the event were veterans in the education sector, who had been in the practice for at least more than 2 decades. There were prominent Educationalists, University/College/School Principals, Deans, CEOs of career planning/reskilling firms, EdTech Consultants, Social Entrepreneurs/workers, and volunteers, with years of varied experiences and exposure

The agenda of the program was for these speakers to pick each section of the NEP and giving a gist of what it says, their understanding, appreciation and criticism on the same and finally providing suggestions on what can be included or changed to make it better. What more could I have asked for to find an easy but very efficient route, to better understand the whole document in a single day?

The day started with Mr. Sundara Velavan from TNYTF welcoming the participants who filled the auditorium, followed by Tamil Thaai vazhthu, brought back memories of my school choir days. Following that, Mr. Nandakumar Venkatraman, Director-Datta Education Consultants, to set the context for the day’s proceedings. I was taken by surprise when I heard a name familiar from my school days - My Principal Sir, from secondary school. As a student, I admired him for his articulate and factual delivery of the speech on any topic.

He gave a brief history about the NEP starting with the Kothari Commission (1964-66), the NEP of 1986, and a few more. He touched upon the major revisions that it underwent, spoke about how this current draft NEP 2019 was the effort of two experts with TSR Subramanian Committee doing the initial work and after him, the current Draft NEP was brought together by the team which was chaired by K. Kasturirangan, Former Chairman, ISRO (among many other positions to his credit). His request to the audience was to listen to the day’s proceedings, get factual information about the draft, and then share it to challenge the misinformation that is making rounds in the various media (social networks, WhatsApps etc.).

He introduced Dr. S. Vaidhyasubramaniam, Vice Chancellor and TCS Chair Professor of Management, Sastra University, and welcomed him on stage to speak on Higher Education (Reforms in Institutional Governance and Regulation).

Dr. Vaidhyasubramaniam, who was consulted by both TSR Subramanian and K Kasturirangan, while the draft was being formulated, started with a brief on the 4 different models of governance, introduced the various governing and regulatory bodies (RSA, NEHRA, NRF, NAAC, NCTE, AICTE, etc.) that were responsible in future for the functioning of the Higher Educational Institutions (HEIs). He also spoke on the usage of the nomenclature - College, University, Deemed University and such. He was sure that this policy will be passed in the parliament session and was hopeful that the enactments (Central and State) that followed and the regulations designed would help in keeping the spirit of the policy intact. He also stated that the various regulatory and evaluating bodies will not have any conflict of interest as clear lines of responsibilities and roles will have to be defined for each of them. His take was that the policy was an outcome-based policy was good for the better future of education. It will also urge educational institutions to up their ante and rise up to world-class institutions quality standards.

Mr. Tamilselvan Mahalingam, Founder & CEO Future Captains, spoke on the section covering Professional Education. His stance, like his predecessor, was that the policy was great and he impressed upon the fact that the policy talks about skilling (through PMKVY) and 21st-century skills needed for career planning and development. He talked about the scholarship program that is being recommended for professional education and registered his concern for the proper regulation of its disbursement. He also felt that there was not enough said about the legal education & entrepreneurial curriculum as he felt these were very relevant and more focus. He insisted on career planning and exploration being part of the higher and professional education.

The panel discussion that followed him was on Vocational Education, Skills and Jobs. The stage was occupied by three vibrant (probably even diverse I could say from their thought perspective) people – Mr. Rajaram Muthukrishnan, Founder - Swatantra Foundation, Ms. Swati Komandur, CEO - Sixerclass, and Mr. Rajendran Dandapani, Vice Chancellor, Zoho University. The panel discussion started with a light note with the panelists confessing that like the audience they also have not gone through the entire 484 pages of the draft but did read up on relevant sections that spoke on skilling using a word search. This being the high note of the discussion, it was quite vibrant and touched upon various aspects of skilling as discussed in the policy and currently existing in the industry. Main highlights included:

1. The mindset change (to not look down upon) that was needed towards vocational studies as they are no less than the “professional studies”.
2. The need for internship exposure to enhance the knowledge on the practice of the profession rather than textbook-based learning.

In fact, Mr. Rajendran went on record stating that if this policy was implemented a few years ago, then he would not have taken the decision to home school his child! The panel discussion ended with a wishlist of the policy to include about Maker mindset, talk about 'collaborate & co-operate' rather than compete, focus on the mindset change towards Industrial Training Institute (ITI) education.

Next on stage was Mr. Saikrishnan, Managing Trustee - Nidharsanam Charitable Trust. A school dropout himself, he spoke on what he expected from school education and why he was a dropout. He insisted that he has not read the policy and his main aim to come to this dialogue was with the hope to understand the policy better (just like most of the participants) from the experts and practitioners. From what he had heard on the news and from people around him, he said he welcomes the census exams (3, 5, & 8) as he thinks that this would give a gauge on the capabilities and understanding levels of the child and if needed, a necessary intervention to course correct the learning path of that child (to avoid/reduce dropouts). He also urged the need to inculcate problem-solving outlook and a liking towards education.

We broke for lunch but the dialogues continued even at the lunch table. I was humbled to share the table with 5 other eminent personalities. With so much of food going in for my intellect, my actual hunger pangs were almost negligible. I ate because I did not want to feel hungry during the second half of the marathon.

Post Lunch Sessions continued in Part 2.

Taking a Stab at Creating Short Stories & Snippets

My journey as a writer has evolved multifold and recently I have been brave enough to venture out as a contributor to other popular social platforms. The one I have had the most delightful experience is @ Momspresso. This platform enabled me to explore writing in my mother tongue (Tamil) despite the fact that I only learnt the basics of the written form of the language (the spoken and written form are very different). Having moved around to different schools during my schooling days (by virtue of my Dad's job as a banker) within India, I had to choose a language that would remain common in all the State and Central curriculum (so, Hindi was my second language in school).

I have picked a few of my100 Word Challenges that I enjoyed creating @ Momspresso, which were straight from my heart. I also won Weekly Prompt challenges, some of them conducted in association with popular publishing houses. Would love to hear from you, to see if they resonate with similar experiences you'd have seen in your life.
_________________________________

On moving back to India, after a decade of living as an immigrant resident in foreign countries, the sight of minors on motorbikes troubled me a lot. This post was with respect to that:

I Hope it is not Arjun!

Vinay and Sharada together hurried to the nearest police station. At the entrance, they saw their favourite motorbike that Arjun, their 15 yr old son, had taken to run a few errands for them. It was damaged beyond repair. Expecting the worst, they went in to inquire about their missing son. The inspector said, "Your son is in critical condition. Go to the Govt. Hospital ICU". Sharada was breathless... Just then she heard a resounding Vrooom of a bike. Waking up from her nap, she rushed down to ensure it wasn't her son, Arjun, who was driving the bike.
___________________________

The hopeless romantic and optimist that I am, the normalcy of every marital relationship, after a few initial years of romance, prompted me to write on how even simple things can bring back the spark into the marital life however lengthy and monotonous it has been.

The Second Proposal

In a room full of family and friends celebrating their 25th anniversary, Riya was feeling lonely. She wished life had a rewind button to go back to the time when she felt alive, not just a role - mother, wife, daughter, in-law!

Suddenly the lights went out. Riya turned to go to her book room. The room echoed "I am because of you. Sorry I haven't been around a lot, lately."

'Will you be my w(l)ife?' projected on the wall. Lights came on. Rishab was kneeling before her. She hugged him and cried, "I love you!"
___________________________

The hopelessness of sexual abuse becoming a piece of everyday news initiated this rant:

Stuck in a Rut Even When the Obvious Stares in your Face!

Every alternate day at least, we read about it.
Every once in a while we talk about the hopelessness of the situation.
Every person takes to the street to protest such a heinous act of crime

This goes on for a few weeks, and sometimes months, and then the human memory happens. The incident, event, and the emotions that it invoked is forgotten and life goes back to its old self - new victims in the making, a more heinous sexual act in some part of the world ready to unfold and the whole nine yards repeats without a change.
___________________________

My eternal wish, of Empathy and Humanity driving actions of every individual, will automatically make mindfulness & equality as a way of life, brought these words to life.

Colours of Hope Disintegrate the Screen of Black Smoke

The rise of awareness, the increasing loudness of opinions and voices against the social issues, the double standards that is prevalent based on gender, gives hope that slowly and steadily the black curtain of smoke, that is covering the colours of true happiness of living a life driven by the rules of empathy and humanity, will eventually disintegrate and vanish. That would be the real burst of colours in all our lives.

A world where everyone is respected and lauded equally without the bias of any categories.

____________________________

My first attempt in தமிழ் for a blogging prompt விலைமதிப்பற்றது. I won this weekly prompt challenge and got featured... A thrilling and fulfilling experience for a first attempt. As a winning reward, I was called for a Facebook (FB) Live to read out my story and had a first FB live experience. 

பாலியல் சமத்துவத்தை நிறுவ பெண்களின் முக்கிய பங்கு

பெண் அமைதிகாப்பது இயலாமையில் அல்ல, புரிதலில். 

ஒரு குடும்பத்தின் ஆளுமைக்கான பெருமையை ஆணுக்கு கொடுக்கும் இந்த சமுதாயம் மறக்கும் விஷயம், அந்த குடும்பத்தை சீராக வழிநடத்தி செல்வது முற்றிலும் ஒரு பெண் என்பவளே! 

ஒரு ஆண் தன் உள்ளுரணர்வையும் இயலாமையையும் வெளிப்படுத்துவதை தூற்றும் இதே சமுதாயம் தான், மானத்தையும் மரியாதையையும் ஒரு பெண்ணின் ஆடையிலும் ஒழுக்கத்தை அவளின் பழக்க வழக்கங்களிலும் தேடுகிறது.

ஒரு தாய் (பெண்) நினைத்தால் தன் மகனையும் மகளையும் வேற்றுமையின்றி ஒரே நெறிகளை கற்றுக்கொடுத்து வளர்க்க முடியும். பெண்ணுக்கு எது தவறோ, அது ஆணுக்கும் தவறு. ஆணுக்கு எது சரியோ அது பெண்ணுக்கும் சரியே. 

சமையலறையும் வீட்டு வேலையும் பெண்ணின் சொத்து அல்ல. குடும்பத்தில் இருக்கும் அனைவருக்கும் அது பொதுவானவையே. இதை ஒரு பெண் மனதில் உறுதியாக கொண்டு வாழ்ந்தால், இந்த சமுதாயத்திற்கு மாறுவதை தவிர வேறு வழி இல்லாமல் போகும். இந்த பாலியல் சமத்துவம் விலைமதிப்பற்றது!

(Translation of the above post for the tag word - Precious

Title - Women's Role in bringing about Gender Equality

A woman's silence implies an understanding of the situation, not helplessness.

This society that places a man on a pedestal and gives him the power to dominate and lead the family, fails to realise that the actual leading and guiding is done by the female of the home. 

This society that ridicules a man who wears his heart and emotions on the sleeve for being too weak, claims that a woman's conduct and respect is defined by the attire she wears and her social habits and her friends' group.

A mother has the power in her parenting methods to ensure that her children grow up without gender bias. What is right for a boy/man is right for a girl/woman and what is wrong for a girl/woman is wrong for a boy/man.

Household chores and kitchen are not exclusive to a woman. Everyone in the family should share these chores. If a woman lives her life with these thoughts as her guiding force, then this world has no choice but to change. This gender equality is the most precious of all.)

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Again the same kind of news on children and women being victims of gender bias and sexual harassment and abuse news (more specifically, a child who was sexually abused and murdered near her home) initiated this rant in my mother tongue (Tamil), where such raw emotions are better expressed.

அ‌ரிது அ‌ரிது பெ‌ண்ணா‌‌ய் ‌பிற‌ப்பது அ‌ரிது

அ‌ரிது அ‌ரிது பெ‌ண்ணா‌‌ய் ‌பிற‌ப்பது அ‌ரிது என்று ஒ‌ளவையா‌ர் அன்று சொன்னார். 

இன்று, தினம் ஒரு செய்தி - பெண், பெண் பிள்ளை மட்டும் அல்ல, பெண் குழந்தையின் பாலியல் பலாத்காரம். ஒரு பெண்ணின் உடை ஆபாசத்தை தூண்டுகிறது என்ற அபத்தமான குற்றச்சாட்டு வலுவிழந்தது. 

ஒரு மூதாட்டியின் நடையிலும் உடையிலும் என்ன ஆபாசம்? 

ஒரு நடைபழகாத அல்லது பழகும் குழந்தையின் உடையில் கூட ஆபாசம் இருக்கிறதோ?

ஒருவேளை அவர்களின் பாவங்கள் காமத்தை தூண்டுகிறதோ?

காதலை மறுத்தாலும் ஏற்றாலும் அவளின் உயிரை மாய்த்து விடும் இந்த சமுதாயம். வேலைக்கு சென்றால் குற்றம், படித்துவிட்டு வீட்டில் இருந்தால் குற்றம், அரசியல் மற்றும் பொதுநலம் பேசினால் குற்றம், சுயநலமாய் இருந்தால் குற்றம், நடந்தால் குற்றம், நின்றால் குற்றம், சிரித்தால் குற்றம் ... ஒரு பெண் இன்று சுவாசிப்பதே குற்றமாக கருதும் நிலை மனதை பாரமாக்குகிறது.

இனிமேலாவது ஆண்களுக்கு, பெண்களை எப்படி மதிப்பது என்பதை கற்றுத்தருவோம்.

(Translation of the above post

Title: The rarest gift of time is to be born as a Woman (The title is a quote from a poem of Auvaiyaar)

Auvaiyaar said a long time ago "The rarest gift is to be born as a Woman".

Today, rape & abuse of not just women, but girl child as young as few months old, and women as old as 80 years, is everyday news. In this context, the argument that the seductive dress that a woman wears is what instigates such crimes loses its value.

What sensuality does one see in the wrinkled ageing lady almost nearing the last stages of her life or in a newborn just crawling or learning to walk child wearing a cute skirt/frock/shorts/baby nappy? Maybe their facial reactions and smiles might induce feelings of sensuality for the perverted mind!

A society that doesn't let a girl live her life irrespective of whether she accepts or rejects a proposal of love extended to her. She is judged irrespective of whether she chooses to stay-at-home or to be a working woman after completing her graduation, has a political opinion, is selfish, is selfless. Anything she chooses to do it is always her fault when something goes south and this situation pains me.

At least from now, let us teach a boy/man to treat a girl/woman right and to respect her as a human being.)

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