Four Shopping Habits to Avoid for Sustainable Living

My first blog on the series of #CauseAChatter by Blogchatter under the #EnvironmentalTalks was Baby steps towards Sustainable Living. While it is easy to read and write about such topics, to really incorporate it as a lifestyle, takes a huge level of commitment from self and the ability to lead by example. This will help to positively impact our circle of influence to follow our lead, especially when we have members from two or three generations (older or younger). 

While it took us a few years to instill these concepts in all our family members, we did start our journey with the #NeedvsWant discussions at home. Any buying decision being considered, big or small, including the weekly grocery list and vegetables, always went through this filter. This has become so much a part of our lives that even our children use this for validating their wish list! When you do not buy in excess or something that may not be used at all, then the waste generated automatically reduces at source, thereby doing our part in contributing towards maintaining a healthy environment for our future generations. 

Here are four habits on how to achieve sustainable living and helping to potentially reduce waste generation at source:

Unplanned Shopping

Planning, and sticking to the plan as much as possible under any circumstances helps to keep our expense pattern and our purchase pattern under our control, which in turn results in lesser waste generation as we are anyway buying only what we need and will use.

• Always have a shopping list and try not to deviate from this list. 
• Make the shopping list after taking stock of what you have at home. Only include the necessities on the list. 
• When you have an urge to shop any additional items, evaluate the #NeedvsWant e.g. you can add an additional snack that your children may enjoy, but not overstock them.

Stress Shopping

I have had some of my friends call me for a day out shopping as a stress relief activity. This, I think, is an extremely costly and ineffective way to relieve stress. There are more efficient and effective methods of stress relief that include, exercise, practicing mindfulness (processing emotions, meditation), Yoga, gardening, and many more. 

Shopping is never a stress-buster activity. When it is for just the necessities, it contributes towards reduced waste generation at source and is light on our finances as well. 

A good alternative to stress shopping could be window shopping (no actual purchases) or moving items to an online Wishlist (instead of the shopping cart) to be reconsidered later. These are only temporary fixes. The best would be to work on addressing the root cause of the stress and completely remove it.

Extravagant Shopping

Buying items to keep the projected image of a social stature is another fallacy that would weigh heavily on our finances as well as the waste of resources and probably contribute to higher waste creation. The status definers, like trends, keep changing quite frequently, and keeping up with it might eventually even add to the stress in your life. 

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) should never be a driver for shopping. If you shop to stay in trend, understand that in the current times, trends change every day, sometimes twice in a single day. When we base our purchase decisions to stay in line with trends, we will always be part of a game of catch-up, wasting our time, money, and resources and still not be in trend more often. All the ‘out of trend’ items pile onto the waste / useless stuff. 

Indulgent Shopping 

I fail to see the difference between this and stress shopping, but I have had advice coming my way that I should sometimes indulge myself in shopping to treat myself. I have never seen a point to this, especially when this indulgent behaviour is only a temporary fix to any problem or a mere few minutes/hours of happiness. In the long run, you will probably regret the decision of purchase, especially when it gets added to the growing pile of unused items. 

My way of indulging is different, I guess. For me, anything to do with mindfulness and sustainability is to indulge. I enjoy finding new ways to positively contribute to my family’s cost-saving and waste reduction effort, and try and do my bit towards positively impacting the society at large as well.

We aren’t Minimalistic

I wouldn’t categorise ourselves at minimalistic standards. Our conscious choices on purchase decisions indulging in Need vs Want debates have made our buying pattern moderate. This helped especially during the pandemic lockdown times as we were always aware of what was needed for our family, what was available in our stock, and when we needed to replenish them by how much. 

This enables us, as a family, to stay away from panic buying and judiciously work with the available stock till we could add more to it when we were allowed to. Lockdown restrictions only meant adjusting to the store timings rather than feeling constricted or afraid that we would not have enough.

I hope that these not-so-healthy shopping practices that we learned to tackle over the years would serve as a starting point of your self-explorative journey towards sustainable shopping habits that can also contribute to a better and healthy environment (by saving on resources and reducing waste generation at source) & better use of our personal finances. 

This post is part of Blogchatter's #CauseAChatter - #EnvironmentalTalks

Are you conscious of Teen Driving without license?

After a great weekend at my parents’, I was driving back home with my two children on my scooter. About a mile away from home, a teenage boy (but still a few years short of legal driving age) came out driving his Scooty suddenly from a side lane Thankfully I did not lose control of the vehicle but, for a moment, I wanted to shout at him. But I saw him struggling to keep his vehicle balanced and hence did not want to risk his safety by shouting at him from behind.

It was quite a narrow road and being a Sunday, the traffic was reasonably less. Just as I thought he was going to stabilise, he wobbled and tapped on the leg of a biker, who was just about to start his bike from his parking lot. I was hoping that the boy would stop now, but he kept driving.

This biker raced after his scooter and stopped him a few yards ahead and picked the key of his scooter. Then he slapped the boy hard… not once, not twice but kept doing it. As I crossed the scene, something in me, wanted to stop and intervene. By then some of the passer-bys (on foot and bikes), a few of the shoppers and an auto-driver had gathered around.

We all tried to stop the biker, who was physically hurting the boy and shouting at him for riding the bike and throwing slur on his parents for letting him ride the bike. I tried to reason out with him saying that he was right on the point that the boy shouldn’t be riding the bike, but physically hurting him is not how he should insist on this point.

“Take him home to his parents, talk to them about the risk that the child poses to himself and to the others on the road by riding the bike while under-age. You can also add the fact that they should be the responsible adults to teach right from wrong to their children and make sure that the child waits till he is of legal age, apply and get a valid driving license, and then take a bike on road. You can’t physically hit a child (especially in the absence of the parents) for a blunder he cannot fully comprehend. It is the parents that haven’t been responsible enough to say no to his requests of riding a bike or they themselves could have told him to run a small errand for them, as this was not a main road/highway.”

But,the biker was still agitated and angry. A father on a bike with his daughter (one of few who had gathered around), who also witnessed the entire thing unfold from the point where I saw it, supported what I said, “That Madam saw the entire thing happen as I did too. This child tapped him lightly. When the boy rode ahead, the biker was removing the stand of his bike which the boy did not anticipate.”

This seemed to agitate this biker even more. By now, the boy was badly shaken and in tears. The auto-driver planted himself between the biker and the boy and took back the boy’s scooter key. All this aggravated the biker’s anger, but being outnumbered he decided to retreat and hence sat on his bike. He still wanted to prove he was justified in hitting the boy and he decided to pick the weakest (according to him) among the crowd to terrorise next - a Mother with two children in tow on her two wheeler - which was me. He directed all that anger on me and said, “Do you know how painful it will to be hit on the leg that has gone through a surgery? I will show you by hitting you with my bike.If it were my son, I would not allow him to ride a bike at all”. Saying this he removed the stand of his bike and made a lunging action towards me without starting the bike.

For an instant, I was worried for the safety of my children as they were also on my scooter behind me (though wearing their helmets). I wished I had parked my scooter at a safe distance, secured my children before I came to the help at the scene. Thankfully some people around us stopped him and said that he was being bull headed.

Father on the bike: “Even if the child had made a fault/blunder, you have no right to physically abuse him.”

Passer by 1: “Sir, please stay back. We agree that he shouldn’t be riding a scooter, but that doesn’t warrant you to vent your anger on a small child and terrorise him. Madam is right.”

Auto Driver: “Are you leaving or I am going to call the police. You can file a complaint against the boy and his parents for what they did and we will all update them about how you dealt with it”.

The biker knew he was outnumbered and things were taking a different turn where he might also be at fault. So he left.

The boy was shaking due to fear. We all advised him to head back home and not ride the bike here after till he was legally allowed. I was hoping one of the other adults who did not have a child would drive him home, but the auto driver gave the key to the child and asked him to go. I volunteered to take him home but I could not leave my kids with strangers. So I rode behind him with my heart beating so fast (due to fear for his safety) that I felt palpitations.

Thankfully we went into smaller lanes which were empty and soon we reached the shop (not house) where his Mother was manning the shop. He parked the bike, locked it and ran into the shop and went behind the racks to hide and probably cry. His mother was concerned. I parked my bike in front of the shop, took my kids and went in and had a word with the mother. I narrated the entire incident and told her that she was lucky that the child did not end in any major life threatening accident. He is shaken up due being slapped by the bike multiple times and this would be one bitter experience he would carry through his life. I also requested her that she doesn’t allow him to do anything that he shouldn’t be doing for his age for his own safety.

While coming back, my son (the younger one) said, “That Anna (brother) did something risky. Children shouldn’t ride bikes. And he wasn’t even wearing a helmet. He must wear one like you and I have, to be safe.” I agreed with him and felt proud of what I have been able to instill in him as a parent.

Once home, I looked at my elder daughter, who was silent and asked her if she was okay and she said, “I am shocked that a child gets to ride a bike in India… A BIKE FOR GOD’s SAKE. How could his parents let him do that?” I was happy that she knew where to place the blame.

I said, “Some people are like that. They think it is cool that their child is doing things like these.”

Shocked she says, “This is NOT cool. It is dangerous. He could die.”

“I know. I just hope that the mother realises her mistake, waits till he has his license to let him ride again.”

“Amma, I was happy that you helped the boy and took him home safely but maybe next time, you should get off your bike before you start talking to crazy adults who attack children and their parents so that we all can also be safe.”

I was brimming with pride by my children’s reaction to the incident, and I learnt my lesson for the next time while I show people that I am not to be taken lightly!

Enough has been talked on this topic of teen driving in our media and there have been cases where the parents' have been penalised for the troubles they get into, because of driving (without a license) and still this menace seems to be on the rise. This incident left a huge impact on me and my children.

I wish parents:

• Be role models for their children by doing what is right and ensure to not engage in any activity that are not age appropriate (like teen driving, creating fake profiles online to play games)


• Set clear boundaries not give in to their tantrums or excuses (like one-off permission to drive without their license, getting their school project done, without involvement from the child...)  


• Do not lose cool and act at the spur of the moment (like this man who physically assaulted a child on the road, instead of considering his safety and having a word with his parents about it).


• Be responsible & sensible adults, who can have meaningful conversations with their children about their safety and social responsibilities (like importance of learning to drive and having a valid license at the right age, wearing helmets...)

Originally published by me on Momspresso on 04, Dec 2018. Adapted for my personal blog.

Are you a "knee-jerk" parent?

Recently, had an interesting conversation with my first born (FB), who is in 6th grade.

It all started when I picked her up after school. All the children were running out of the school lobby, with bright smiling faces. My FB came out with a long face and said she had something she wanted to talk when we reached home. This statement had me worrying and I had to ask her, “Can you give me a gist of what it is about?”.

She drops a bombshell that she kind of has started hating specific subject class, as the teacher was being unfair. So I asked her, “What do you mean unfair?”

She starts her detailed explanation with the statement that the teacher says that “the boys in our class are better than the girls” and she never tells us what we need to do to improve our submitted work, so that next time we can do better. All she says is, “This isn’t up to the expectations and I can’t tell you what you need to do better”.

The feminist mother in me immediately reacts with, “What the hell? How can a teacher in a position of responsibility, make such a biased and unfair statement?”, but thankfully I was sane enough to keep my mouth shut and told my daughter that we would continue the discussion once we reach home.

We come home, I dispense my SAHM duties of giving my children their evening drink and snacks, catch up on my WhatsApp messages and then asked her, “So, now tell me what were you talking about in school about the class you did not like?”

So she starts off with her narrative again and this time with some additional information.

“Amma, we had a few group projects we had to do as part of our class work and the teacher put us in groups of 4 comprising of all girls or all boys group. Every time we finish our class work project, we are marked and today the teacher said that that in our class the boys seem to be more creative than the girls. She always gave them high marks and we got 4/10.”

I had to struggle to curtail my instantaneous reaction to want to cajole my child and say she was the best and find out the whole thing before I jumped to any conclusion. “Did you ask your teacher why you were marked so low and what could be done better for your work be termed better?”

“Yes. We did.”

“So what was her answer?”

“She said she couldn’t tell that but just that we had to improve on our creativity, presentation and catchiness”.

I was a bit annoyed that this would be the answer that a teacher would give a child studying in 6th grade. But then, my trust in the schooling system and the faith that the world around you is the best teacher and whatever happens, always happens for a reason, kicked in. So I proceeded to prod further.

“Okay… So are you allowed to check out each others’ work after it is marked?”

“Yes, Amma.”

“So did you check the work of the group that was given more marks than you?”

“Yes.”

“What did you think of their work? According to you, did you think that their work was worthy enough of getting more than you or was it like yours or bad?”

“It was better than ours.”

“Okay. Now I am confused. If it was better than yours, then why do you think that your teacher was unfair to mark them more than you.”

“If you put it like that…. But she told that the boys were way better than the girls. That was hurtful.”

Now, slowly the problem surfaces. So I ask, “Okay I agree that such a blanket statement could have been avoided, but the world is unfair in making such stereotypical judgemental statements. So we do not have a choice but to deal with it. And in this case, it was a factual statement, though a bit harshly put. Is that the only reason you are hurt or is there more to it? Did someone tell you that your teacher was being unfair?”

“Yes, my friends said that this teacher is always partial with the boys and that in all the classes she goes, she says these kinds of statements.”

“Let us now stop with this thought process and focus on facts. Do you feel or have your experienced first hand that this teacher acts partially in her approach or do you think she was just making a factual observation as far as your class is concerned?”

After a couple seconds of thought, she answers, “She was making a factual observation.”

“Does she always make such stereotypical remarks in the last few months you have been attending her class, or was it just the first time she made this statement and that too after the work was evaluated and the statement was justified by the work displayed?”

“This is the first time…” Her face breaks out in a smile and all her frustration, disappointment and hurt vanishes. “Thank you for helping me see clearly. Next time I will try harder.”

“If you still think the teacher was wrong and unfair, I can come and talk to her about it.”

“No Amma, I was wrong. I started thinking she was unfair because all my friends were saying so and I believed that and became kind of biased. I couldn’t see it as clearly as this. How do you do it Amma?”

“Very simple. Next time before you get angry or frustrated about something or someone, evaluate the entire situation with just the facts, rather than the opinions of others. What I did now was only help you see through the facts and filter out the opinions. Once you have done this, and you still think that the anger or frustration is justified, then work towards finding the way to remove that anger/frustration and fix it once and for all. Sometimes it might not be that simple and you might just have to let it go with no fix… In such cases, take your time to vent out the frustration in a constructive way and then move on.”

“Love you Amma. Now I can go and do my homework peacefully.”

I smiled and thanked my mother to have given me this kind of practical thinking and a sense of “detached attachment” to be able to see the big picture before I jump to conclusions. So my question to all you parents are, do you instantly jump to comfort your child when they are frustrated or complaining OR do you help your child analyse the situation, and arrive at a practical conclusion to help them out of their frustrated mood?

Note: Originally published by me and featured in Momspresso (Showcased as "Article of the Month" for October 2018) as Are You Actually A Knee-Jerk Parent? .

Social Influence of Visual Media

Recently, while I was sharing my views on the impact of Visual Media (movies, TVs, print and phone) to a friend who was collating points for a talk on the topic, she suggested that my passion on this would probably make me a more apt speaker on this and that I should probably write on this myself as well. Here is my take on the same.

Reach of Media

Let us first look at the reach of Visual media. In the current age visual media is a given, not just in every household but in the hands of every individual through the smartphones held by them (sometimes even as an infant). With this kind of deep integration in very individual’s life, the visual media wields immense power of influence over different age groups, and demographic spread of population. They can create the maximum impact with the least effort and time. Simple things like the colours used, the usage of words and the posture and gestures of the persons on the screen can send a very strong message to the viewers. One of my previous post on ‘Today’s Media Boon or a Bane’ touched upon the tip of the iceberg of an aspect that needs attention. It talked about the overall media impact including, Social Networking, Print, Audio and Visual media.

Voltaire said “With great power comes great responsibility” (or if you would prefer a more recent and relatable reference Uncle Ben from Spiderman gave the same advice to Peter Parker).

Progressive (or Regressive) changes of Visual Media

From the time of its inception, the visual media has undergone enormous changes starting with print form (newspapers, magazines - dailies/weekly/monthlies, television, computers & mobiles). Initially when television was launched, the choice of channels and the variety of programmes offered were very minimal (one channel shared between national broadcast and regional broadcast). Now we have unlimited choices of channels not just for entertainment but even news.

For instance, NEWS (explanation as learnt when in school - North East West South - the first words from these together form the word NEWS and hence) was supposed to be neutral delivery of the happenings from all over the nation during the course of the day till that time. It used to be one time when the whole family sat together to watch and listen to the news headlines at 7:00 (or 7:30)  p.m. and then the detailed news bulletin an hour later. No sensationalisation, no hype, no bias, no emotions, no noise… just plain news a two minute section for world news as well. Content was good enough to be watched anyone from any age group, and everyone was encouraged to watch it not just for knowing about the news but also the learn oratory skills (of how to pause, stress, and pronounce). Even in print form, the headlines always had some kind of achievement by the central or state government, progress of financial institutions, achievements/awards by individuals, incidents/anecdotes of bravery and valor while the supplements had educational and learning material mostly with very less space for gossip columns and speculative news.

The so-called debates on television are another ball game where you have 6-8 panelists talking on every topic (irrespective of the topic’s value, relevance or need) possible - when I say talking, not in turns (which is what we instruct children to do when two or more of them start talking at once), but all talking (or rather shouting) at the same time that you only hear noise and no words. Whoever shouts the loudest gets his/her point across. In this situation, if you decide to watch the news with the entire family (like we used to when I was young) I wonder what message we would be giving our children - That it is okay to shout, be abusive and hurtful, angry and talk out of turn and if you manage to shout the loudest then you will be heard maybe something in those lines? It has been a few years now since we stopped watching news channels. I prefer to read news, more specifically search for news that I would like to read about and read only that.

Negativity and Gossip sells!

Now, with news channels cropping up like crazy, one would assume that there is so much going on in the world that you have so many news channels covering worldwide news. But sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case. It is a race to who first makes the breaking news and grabs the attention of the viewers and in turn increase the channel’s rating, and each one vying for top ratings by maximising eyeball capturing. In this race, news channels have become like reality TV with Facebook (FB) and WhatsApp forwards feeding the headlines of the news only to be later (after the damage is already done) followed up with (very rarely an accompanying apology for spreading false news) coverage stating that the hoax form FB or WhatsApp was justified or not. 

Negative news is the in-thing now. First page news or headlines on almost every news channel is either a gossip or a disaster, a mishap, a protest, a chain snatching, an abduction/rape/acid attack/.... If you search long enough then you will eventually find a positive news somewhere amidst all this negative news for meager 1-2 sec screen time or a 3 inch by 3 inch space on print.

Things that used to belong in tabloids and supplements now are becoming main topics of discussion. If this is news, then what would be the state of affairs of Advertisements and Soaps (or serials)?! There are some good advertisements and serials like the ones in my other blog post Welcoming Positive Changes in the Indian mindset !

But then there are others which convey messages like

• a person’s (male / female alike) self-worth is determined by their skin colour and if they can make it a shade brighter, they can rule the world or it would instill the confidence that they would need to take on the world.
• Mental abuse and physical torture of a child (traumatising to watch even for an grown adult) by an adult or child (individually or as a group) is acceptable/partly acceptable if done in private away from the eyes of the family or the society.

Adverse Stereotyping

One of my favourite Tamil movie is Indira. I am probably biased because it was a movie directed by Suhasini Maniratnam (loved her in the movie Sindhu Bhiravi, among other movies of hers). Indira had the female protagonist playing the lead role in bringing a change in the social setup that she lived in. Added is the fact that I loved the hero of the movie (me being a young adult gushing over a handsome and sensitive male portrayal that the hero of that movie had in comparison to the all macho perspective that all other movies give to the hero). Very few movies show a cast that you can relate to in real life. Most of them come with a kind of hero worship characters where the hero / heroine is either portrayed as larger than life or have pitiable backstory from which they grow to reach overnight success. The latter probably does happen in real life as well but the more common occurrence is when you are able to relate to a major chunk of the population.

The constant portrayal of stalking tendencies in the movie where the hero/heroine cannot understand the word NO even when it is told clearly and continue to pursue their counterpart till they succumb, sends a message that it is okay to do that and that NO does not actually mean NO. After all this, we then blame the adolescents who are already in a confused age (state) of self discovery of derailing from the path of progress. I do not mean to say that all movies have to be made with a message, but is it really necessary to show the typical wooing of hero/heroine only by pursuing to the extent of stalking? Are there not better ways to show their attraction to each other?

Another aspect is where body shaming, gender discrimination/stereotyping dialogues/conversations are justified as being culturally acceptable. This paves way to the existence of the blind spot to real life issues in schools, colleges and even work places relating to the above areas and more.

Parental Role in leveraging Visual Media for the good

The visual media plays a very impactful role in shaping the minds of different generations including the one that is just in its nascent stage of growth. What kind of human beings do we want that generation which is in their formative years of 5-16 yrs to grow up in to when they become adults? One that would stand up for the right reasons or one that would give up on living (and resort to ending their life) for the smallest of challenges /failure that comes their way?

As a parent, the main challenge I face now is deciding between letting them watch movies and cartoons that are less damaging to their psyche and behaviour (because we discuss and dissect movies or cartoons that have questionable content to understand the intent behind it) than letting them watch news and ads (that are totally damaging and till now I have not been creative in coming up with plausible explanations for unacceptable behaviours in these) or completely avoid visual media and just read text books and story books to them instead of newspapers/magazines!

Most of our discussions now revolve around:

• how to recognise fake news from real news
• how to be sensitive and yet be assertive
• not be too quick to judge and be empathetic (importance of empathy cannot be stressed enough)
• Not to fall prey to stereotyping and to look deeper than the surface for meaningful character
• Being non-judgemental and accepting and accomodative of others' shortcomings and inabilities
• Be helpful when and where possible
• Not whine and be thankful for what we have and what we can do.

as these are the traits that are lacking in today’s visual media. Wish that the media would notice this and do the needful to impact the society positively and instill “Growth mindset” in the people involved in it and those that are being impacted by it.

Obstacle or Challenge?

When faced with a problem, the instinctive notion is to look at it as an obstacle. Very few people have the courage to look at it as a challenge. This is despite the complexity/simplicity of the problem that faces them. One such person who saw every obstacle in his life as a challenge to overcome is Stephen Hawking. His life itself is an inspiration (I am sure to many) for me. When diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) he focused all his energy into doing what he loved doing the best which was to keep going, and went on to do quite a lot. His contributions speak volumes about the person that he was. To smile while living with ALS, having to depend on someone to do even something as basic as getting out of his bed in the morning, is something that should teach us all to be appreciative of the comfortable life that we are all blessed with and be thankful for it. 

Hawking compared black holes to depression, making it clear that neither the black holes or depression are impossible to escape. "...black holes ain’t as black as they are painted. They are not the eternal prisons they were once thought. Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don’t give up; there’s a way out,” he said.[1]

On the day Stephen Hawking’s passing away was known to the world, my daughter, 10 yrs old, came back from school and we discussed about what they did that day in school. Of course, the school had discussions and activities centering around Stephen Hawking and his work. I happened to be reading the article on his message on depression and we both came across the quote he had made:

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. If you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don’t throw it away.”

“Mom, what does that mean? I remember reading another quote which says ‘Reach for the stars, you will at least land up in the moon’. Do both signify the same thing?”

“Not really. The one about reaching to the stars means, aim as high as possible. Even if you fail to reach your target and fall short, you will still fall at a much higher level than where you started. The one made my Hawkings has more to the quote than just aiming high”.

“So what does it mean?”

“Just defining the words that makes the sentence, it means that do not look down on the floor and below your eye level, rise your head high and look up into the sky and be curious about stars and beyond. Now if we go deeper and try to interpret it in the context (of depression), then he means to say that you should not crib about the problems and obstacles that you face in your life but always be eager to know more about life and the reason for our existence and turn every obstacle into a challenge to be overcome; like the tree stump that grew around the fence (obstacle in its growth path) that we saw on our way to your school. Be curious about everything but safely. Love what you do - the work that you do whatever it might be - as the work you do gives you a reason for the life that you live and without it there is nothing. Lastly, be thankful for being surrounded by loved ones who are willing and able to help you in your time of need.”

“So very true Mom. We should not be mean to ourselves by always being sad. We should try to not be rude to others and be willing to help them out whenever they need help. How difficult it must have been for him but he still did so much.”

Being able to inspire children with the life he lived, I think, is one big achievement as it helps shape the next generation that is going to take over the world. Nudging them in the right direction with the right attitude is a job well done. I am thankful to him for enabling me to have this conversation with my daughter and instill the quality of “Never giving up” by quoting his life itself as an example. He was and still is an influencer because of all that he accomplished not just in his professional life but also due to his attitude to want to ‘keep going on’ by looking at every obstacle/problem in life as a challenge to overcome and make a positive and meaningful contribution to the world that we live in.

Interview of Mr. Rajan Radhakrishnan

Wanted to share a recent TV interview of our multi-faceted family friend - Mr. Rajan Radhakrishnan (also known as Raj Thilak - his Tamil movie industry name, who acted in many movies incl. 60 Naal 60 Nimidam). He narrates his life journey in simple words, not just boasting his successes but also gracefully about the failures in his life, the way he overcame them. Today, he runs a succesful restuarant chain - Madras Pavilion - based in Texas, USA. He continues to produce several Tamil movies including Nandha, Mounam Pesiyadhe and Kadhai & contributes to chartiable causes like Udhavum Karangal.

He also gives an insight into the struggles of a foreigner moving to US, wanting to live the American Dream, and progressively integrating into their lifestyle. In the 90's where information was not available at the click of a button with Google :-), setting up a business from scratch, making it successful and keeping its USP a success for several decades, in a foreign land, is a feat worth learning for our GenNext. His simple advise for success is to Stay Focused and Enjoy Life. 

Here is the interview (in Tamil):

A few more articles featuring him and his passion:

1. Fundraiser event for Udhavum Karangal
2. Fundraiser for Houston Tamil Convention
3. Sponsoring events with South Indian singers/actors

Drawing Parallels - Could religious symbols signify similarities?

I recently had the opportunity to visit St. Mary's Church, Harrow (London) and had the pleasure to discover more about various Christian symbols and practices. It was an euphoric moment for me when I heard the narrative given by the church representatives and I just could not help myself but draw parallels to the Hindu Temples that I grew up knowing about. Below are some of them:

Tall Tower - At the entrance of the church we were introduced to the Spire (alternatively called the Steeple), the tall structure in the church. She explained that the presence of Spire was as a symbol to point us to heaven and heavenly things that makes us forget about the earthly things that surround us and we start concentrating on the beautiful sky and think about God and Angels bringing about a shift in our thoughts. This was the start of the euphoric moment that I mentioned about. As a Hindu (practising or by birth - I am not sure where I would put myself) I was immediately able to relate it to the Gopura Dharisanam (the Kalasam present atop the tallest tower or gateway tower in front of the temple is looked at in a similar fashion for almost the exact same reasons) symbolisation.

We went inside and sat down at the prayer hall where we were introduced to the other members present there including the Vicar (who was also the Chaplin at the school nearby), who was the highest person of importance as far as this church was concerned.

Design - The first explanation given was about the design of the church. She told us that all churches were built with a basic design of the Cross and this was common for all churches and this was to symbolise that Jesus Christ died on the cross and hence Cross represented the most important event in the history of Christianity and considered to be very holy. So that was the length of the church with the altar at one end and the entrance on the other end of the long vertical side of the cross while the short and horizontal portion of the cross had chapels for other important people/things. Over the years, other structures get built around this main structure (like hall of peace that is used as place of meditation or prayer for people from other beliefs) and hence it might be difficult to see the Cross on an aerial view of the Church but if you see from inside, this basic design will be present as a common element. 

This made me draw a parallel to the Hindu Temples and their basic structure of commonality of having a Sannidhi (or Sanctorum) for Lord Ganesha as the God at the entrance of every temple, and then a main sannidhi that houses the main diety of that temple. Then there is the Navagraha (that represent the Sun, Moon and the eight planets). In addition to these three features depending on the temple, there may be more additions to the temple in the form of halls for conducting prayers/poojas and functions.

Functionality - The next parallel I drew was in olden days, Church was the centre point for almost everything including reading, teaching, healing, spreading the word of the Lord and such. Similarly, Temples were the epicentre of power for similar reasons like teaching, lecture, healing, spreading spirituality and the teachings of Gurus (or Saints) to common people. 

Paintings & Carvings - There were tinted glass paintings that tell a story because in olden days, people did not know to read and write and hence art came to the forefront to spread the message. The roof of the church had wooden carvings of angels, saints, musicians and so on. Parallel to Hinduism is the carvings on the Temple towers and pillars, paintings on the inner walls and ceilings that each told a story and conveyed a life in that village/town where the temple was located.

The Holy Water Font or the Stoup - A Symbol to denote that the water is a cleansing agent and hence sprinkling of water is to denote the cleansing of the person/thing. 

The Temple Pond – A parallel to the Stoup - A dip in the Temple pond (Teppam – a pond found outside the temple) is supposed to cleanse one completely. If this pond is absent, the sprinkling of holy water (water mixed with turmeric, camphor, Tulasi - Indian holy basil) is supposed to do the job. 

A final tit-bit that I learnt about the altar was the significance behind the presence of the table present at the altar. This is to symbolise Jesus' Last Supper with his disciples.

These insights probably indicate that different religions indeed have similar notions and commonalities, adapted to local context.

Pictures courtesy:  Google search

To Work or not to Work? A Stay-At-Home-Mom's Perspective

If you think this is about me a stay-at-home-mom's (SAHM) dilemma before or after I had kids, you are partially right, but this is not just about that. This question "To work or not to Work" is something that I have asked myself millions of times at various stages in my life, after I completed my basic education (12 + 5 years of college in one of the esteemed universities - probably the only university - that offers integrated dual degrees in India). This is also a question I have been asked by many (family, friends and strangers alike) over the years. This is also a question, I know for a fact that my husband also keep asking himself and has been asked by many others that he has come across in his life so far including our children and me. Now I can see cog wheels turning inside your heads when you are contemplating the various scenarios and instances that this could have happened. So let me start with the most obvious of this scenario that deals with me (because as humans we are always self obsessed and like to talk a lot about what goes on with our lives, especially the imbalances in it and I am no exception) and then move on to the more intriguing aspect which is for a husband, the male (for whom to work is the norm and there can never be any other question especially one) that even considers about not working.

The female/wife/mother/woman angle

A couple of years ago, while I was travelling to my husband's home town, during our India visit with the children (just me and my 2 children), in a train journey, I happened to strike a conversation with a co-passenger, a stranger, who was also travelling to a destination close to mine. She was travelling to her home town to visit her parents after year of her second delivery and was travelling alone with 2 children. So this was a conversation between two recent time mothers (My youngest was couple of years older than her youngest).

She had recently resigned her job after using up her maternity vacation (paid and unpaid), and was doubting herself if she took the right choice. Somehow, she found me safe enough to share her personal information with me (which I might not have done without a little prodding). Guess it must have more to do with the intensity of the self doubting that she was going through rather than my being a safe enough sounding board.

"I just resigned my job as a Team Lead an IT firm. I used to draw a good salary and now I am wondering if I did the right thing by giving up my job. But when I see my children and the fact that I am able to make sure what I put in my daughter's lunch box is something fresh, home cooked and healthy, when she leaves for school in the morning, and the fact that I can attend to beck and call of my younger daughter every time she cries for a comforting hug or has melt down for my complete attention, makes me think it was the right thing to do. When I meet my friends from school and college, I start doubting myself as they have progressed in their career and they also have a family. Some days are so depressing, I do not have peers around me to have intellectual conversations with, I feel there is lack of challenge to my thought process. I feel that I am wasting away my life by choosing to stay at home instead of working and putting to use the education that I was privileged to have. I feel that I am doing injustice to my qualifications." Listening to her made me think how similar she sounded and looked to how I felt when I resigned my job a few years back. She asked me, "Are you working?". I said "I am not". Then, she asked me about my educational qualifications and when I told her that I had an integrated dual-degree from one of the prestigious institutes in India and a PG diploma, she was surprised and her immediate next question was "With a single Bachelors degree, I am doubting myself for not working, with your educational qualifications don't you feel you are wasting it by staying home?"

I contemplated a bit before I answered her. This involved opening up about my personal life (including opinions, state of mind, and choices) to a stranger and I wanted to be absolutely sure if I was ready to. But then, looking at her dilemma, made me think how nice it would have been if I did have someone to talk to every time I went through this kind of self doubt myself. So we continued our conversation. I told her, "The choice to work or to stay at home depends on your personal take on what your priority is. As clichéd as it sounds, that is the truth. You need to have your choices and priorities right. Otherwise it is going to be a very difficult task to stay happy and contended in the long run."

"You make it sound simple.", she said. "Believe it or not, it is that simple, but to arrive at this state of clarity is a long journey which is filled with self doubt and struggles. When we compare ourselves with those friends / colleagues of ours who have decided to continue to pursue their career (what ever their reasons behind it are), then we are doing injustice to ourselves. You cannot compare apples with oranges. It is not a fair comparison. A good option is to list what your needs are and proceed from there. No solution is perfect. There is always scope for improvements and adjustments. Do what is needed to make life easier and happier for yourself and your family."

"Don't you ever feel that you made a mistake by deciding to quit your job?" she asked.

"Yes, almost every instance I feel taken for granted or ignored, I wonder if I took the right decision. Then, I think if I had continued to work, would I have been happier than what I am now? Every time the answer to that question is NO, and immediately my doubts vanish. The reason behind is the fact that I know I would not have given my 100% to the 'paying job' (career) and then come back home to give a 100% to my family. And personally, if I cannot do that, then I cannot be content, in turn affecting my family. So it all drills down to what you really want - a successful career (where you will need at least some dependency from others around you to tackle day-to-day chores), or just concentrate full-time on your family (giving up your professional career, being able to better manage a Home-Maker role hands on)". We continued to converse till the children slept & parted ways at our respective destinations.

Now it is 11 years since I resigned my last job and I did not resign just because I became a mother. I resigned because, I was struggling to balance between a demanding professional life and tiring needs at home. I was just married (a year into marriage when I resigned) and was immediately in-charge of managing a household (about which I had a vague idea but was unprepared when the whole thing was starring at my face). If I could not do justice to the roles that I chose to play without having to depend on others around me for support to even deliver my basic job requirements, then I would not be personally satisfied and happy. So the better option for me was to give up my professional career so that I could give my 100% to my personal career (Home Management)! But from the time I made this decision, I am constantly challenged by many (family and friends alike) that I am wasting my studies by staying at home. How am I wasting my knowledge gained, If I can use what I have studied / learnt to apply them in my day-to-day tasks and make it enriching to everyone whose life I touch including my own family?

When I put down my resignation, my colleagues asked me, "What would you do sitting at home all day? I will go mad if I had to do that!". My answer was, "For now, I am just taking a break from professional life, take a step back, re-assess my stakes and then move forward from there depending on what I decide as my future path. Till then I am going to enjoy a vacation.". But truth be told, the "vacation" never came. When I resigned from job, I tried my level best to keep in touch with family and friends. I thought I had 8 hours of free time (the time I spent in an office when I was working) at hand and could pursue anything that I wanted to including to revive my hobbies. That never happened. At risk of repeating what many have already said, the day of a home maker is filled with tasks that never end. So instead of doing that, let me tell you how my typical day would be. My typical day would start at 6 in the morning and end at 10 p.m. (ideally it should and used to till I had children) I do have free hours during the day when I can basically laze around in front of the TV and watch serials or programmes of my choice. But that comes with the tough choice that I had to make to forego the organised world of profession where my work would be periodically evaluated and accolades and brick bats would follow the normal course, based on the kind of deliverable/output I gave, and follow a path where the word "organised" becomes a case of luxury. Any work I do is taken for "granted", because I am at home and have all the time in the world to do it, and unless I really went all out to make sure that I spell out exactly what I do, and what it translates into when put in monetary, time and effort perspective (difficult to bring it into that perspective but with some effort can be done) contributes a hell a lot of roles and responsibilities clubbed into one complete package, I would never have a peer review or appraisal that will put my household work in the right perspective and give me a sense of achievement from someone else's point of view.

Every time I visit my relatives or friends, they never fail to ask me about what I do now that both my children are in school full time. I used to try to tell them how my day is filled with tasks to ensure that the rest of the family has a peaceful life especially with a travelling husband (his job requirement demands him to), and a young family settled abroad with a single earning member. I had friends remark jovially that somehow I always tend to remain busy despite no employment. There used to be time when that statement hurt me, because I am not "jobless". I just do not have a job that pays money. I do not have a job that has a regular evaluation process set up. I do not have set standard or benchmark to which I can compare myself and readjust or re-position my progress. My job requires me to wear multiple hats that include the roles of a:

• Day Planner - every day I plan to finish 10 odd jobs but at the end of the day, I see that the jobs that I planned to finish have not been started at all while I ended up doing 15 other jobs which were not part of my day's plan. 
• Cook/Chef - try to start making a particular spread for lunch or dinner and then suddenly figure out that during the course of the day, you had planned to get the necessary ingredients for it but never got around to do the shopping because something else came up and this got left out and so mid way you get creative and come up with a new dish of your own and guess what, it becomes a hit, but you do not know how to replicate it again.
• Child Carer - You just dropped off your older one at school, finished shopping and running some errands that might or might not have included a visit to government offices or any such place that required you to patiently wait for an hour in queue for a job that took less that 5 minutes once you reached the counter, and are entering home while the younger one is sleeping in the stroller/buggy peacefully, so you decide to leave the child in the stroller so as not to disturb and try to catch up on the zzzzs that you lost the previous night because your older one was complaining of pain in the ear/nose/eyes/teeth/stomach/back/knee/there between the legs/pinky toes... and you get a call from the school saying that you need to come to school because the older child has had a small accident and though there is nothing to worry, needs to be picked up and taken home so that the rest of the day can be spent at home resting. So you rush back to school in what ever mode of transport necessary with the younger one waking up mid way and yelling all the way back till you reach home and there goes your zzzzzzzzzs.
• Personnel Assistant & Accountant - Irrespective of whether you are educated or uneducated, I think every wife (in the current scenario I should be saying the staying home partner but I would not be sure if I would be stating the facts as I only know what goes on in my home) goes through this. Act as a reminder service for the husband for even keeping in touch with family and friends, to pay bills on time, to ensure the posting of those odd letters/applications that still need to be done by manual post and not through emails, fill out forms online for stuff like passport renewal, visa processing, ordering gifts for the birthday parties that the children might end up attending over the weekends, scan bills that need to submitted for reimbursements, and sometimes even proxy for the husband not being able to get away from work to attend to the extended family's needs.
• Nurse - any day any time to attend to the first aid to reduce pain and discomfort for the family members until the time that the actual doctor's appointment is available (which most of the times happens to be after the pain or discomfort or ailment disappears with the home based remedies that have been tried)
• Tutor & Governess - After school, the children need to practice what they have learnt in school and for families like ours where we are not sure where we are going to settle down, the necessity to keep up with what other parts of the world also do including learning mother tongue or a language that the country that we might possibly move to next has as its primary or secondary language, fill the gaps that the current curriculum might have in comparison with the rest of the education systems...
• Domestic Helper - Includes dish cleaning, window cleaning, spring cleaning, weekly cleaning, moping floors, regular laundry and ironing, small fixes like fixing buttons and tears in the seams in dresses/pants/shirts, fixing DIY shelves and work table that get delivered home in a box, minor fixes in scooters/bicycles, electrical fixtures at home like replacing worn out bulbs, mend minor leaks...

are some that I creatively could name and provide a sample of what that particular role would demand. Over the years, I have learned to condition myself to smile at such questions. I smile not because, I can't answer them, but I do not see a point in answering it as what ever answer I give will never completely convey my experience of my day.

When a sibling/cousin or a working friend or spouse callously says, "You would not understand the stress that the work place politics and expectations have on me", "I am paid to work not to take time off from work", I used to feel like an outsider and subdued. I remember when I used to work, my mentor told me once, "If you want to understand how to effectively play work place politics, then learn to play politics at home. There is never a better place than there to learn how to do it". I did not understand what he meant at that time as it was my first job and I was just fresh out of college living by myself. But now, almost 2 decades after that "gyan" session, after living as a full time home maker, I completely understand what he meant. I can tell you there is no better place to learn the nuances of Organisational Behaviour and master the art of excelling in the game of Organisational Politics than home, where there is an additional twist of emotions and relationships coming into play which is non-existent in a professional environment. If I have to elaborate on it, then I am sure I will end up writing a complete book on this. Suffice it to say, family is nothing less than an organisation and even more complicated than it and the experience, personal growth and sense of achievement, well rounded (read emotionally beaten up) approach and humility that it has given me to have crossed the hurdles that I have with or without help, I doubt I would have had it if I had chosen to lead a professional career. Enough said about myself. Moving on to the other side.

The Male/husband/father angle

When I decided to quit my job, we had just married and a year into marriage and had to make adjustments to ensure that the financial void that my leaving the job would create can be balanced by what ever job, whatever role that my husband took up. We were in a city living in a rented apartment with substantial rental cost. Added to this was we were planning to expand our family and hence had to save up for that as well. Both of us being family centric, we did not want to leave our respective families in the lurch, not that they were financially dependent on us but we wanted to do our share of providing for them financially as well in addition to being available to them physically and emotionally. This being said, he did not even think before he congratulated me on deciding to quit my job. He has never, till date, asked why I decided to quit (I did talk with him before putting down my papers but not for permission, more as informing him of my decision and discuss when and how to execute the decision) without consulting him. For my in-laws it was a happy news as they belonged to the section of people (including some of the text books that till date have the same clichéd role definitions) who thought once married the wife managed the home, while the husband went out to work. This decision taken, we both were not really prepared for what was to hit us after this. The initial days where I was enjoying my new-found free time, I am sure he was going through the turmoil of having to carry the burden of financial stability of the entire family on his shoulders all by himself. But there has never been a single day or single instance when he has complained of having to carry that burden alone.

Instead, every time I talked to him about getting back to work only to help out in easing this burden, his answer to me has always been "I am fine. The home management is in the hands of a capable person who is doing a good job of doing it with just single income. So you do not need to go to work just for the financial aspect of it; but if you do want to work because you think that would give you personal happiness and contentment, then go ahead. Otherwise, we are fine as we are."

To ensure that we lead a comfortable life and not have to compromise on our standard of living, he decided to take up Onsite roles (overseas). A person who is more than happy to go back to his home town and home land at the drop of a hat because he can stay closer to extended family and friends, decided to spread his wings and explore the world purely because it provided him with opportunities to scale heights that he needed to scale to keep up the standard of living for us, provide for his family, as well as, it was an opportunity to give my young family an experience of a life time that many have not had the pleasure of having. We have been lucky to live in 3 countries outside India (US, France and now UK) and enjoy the cultural experience that each country gave us, travel to more places than most in my family have ever travelled in our age and give our children an openness to the concept of right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable because of our extensive travel and meeting people with different points of view.

There have been several instances where me and my children included, have blamed my husband, of prioritising work ahead of anything else because he has had to miss birthdays, anniversaries, and marriages in the family as there was probably some meeting or some travel scheduled that he could not miss (even if those events were on weekends). During these times, there were extensive exchange of words between us which have been quite hurtful, but he did what he did because he thought that that was the best option at that time.

Both of us have matured in our thoughts and probably in our level of self worth as well. Now he follows a strict code of not working (official) during weekends and spends all of his time for the family and during these two days, he also manages to give me at least a half day of break from my home maker's role where he handles the kitchen, chores, children, attends to their needs, dons all of my multiple hats, makes time to keep in touch with family and friends. Despite this, he goes through a hell a lot criticism for doing a "woman's job", to which he turns a deaf ear and moves on with a smile that never fades . I would say, in my home, even I manage to get half a day off, but the man of my home never has time away from his work. Right from the time when my oldest was 5 months old and I felt like a milk production unit, my husband never once frowned on me when I used to literally shove our child in his hand the minute he steps through the front door after a tiring day at work (so that I can then peacefully attend to the task of making dinner and clearing the dishes), or to happily be the play partner to her when she decided that she was going be playing during her Indian evening while we were residing in the USA and then next morning leave for work despite not having been able to sleep off the tiredness of the previous day (and night) only to come back in the evening and go through the entire thing once again with the never fading smile.

Do what works for you

We are at a happy state of mind now, with the choices that we have made in our lives. By choosing to stay at home and not work at all, I am available to my children always at home for what ever and when ever they need me. I keep my house in order all on my own with no additional domestic help or help from family. I spend time with my children to help them with their studies and play. And even after all this, I am not remunerated, never go through regular appraisal cycles to evaluate the quality of my work, nor am I acknowledged on a daily basis for the job I do to make life easier for others around me. Equally my husband, after toiling for 5 days at his regular paid job, does not even think twice before he takes up the job to support me on the 2 days of the week, when most would like to kick back and relax.

To do a job when you are paid for it, appreciated for it, remunerated in the form of hike and promotions is easier to do mainly because of the external motivation that the job gives you, but to continue to doing this job of stay-at-home-mom, and to jump in to share equal responsibility from your spouse and even go the extra mile of giving her the much needed break from routine (or the lack of it) after toiling the entire working week in a regular paid job instead of taking the weekend off to recuperate for the next week, after doing it for 11 years now, I can say that, to keep doing this despite all that I mentioned above, requires immense courage and self motivation that can only come if you really like what you have chosen to do. So for all those who are going through this dilemma (life is filled with them - a statement that even my 9-yr old daughter seems to have understood which I consider as my achievement as a mother), think of what you want and then choose the path that would give you exactly what you want. Never compare yourself with anyone else because, each person is unique. You can have help manuals for products, not for people. What works for me might not work for you. So you are the best judge of what will work for you and never allow anyone else to tell you otherwise. It is okay to get opinions from others but do not let others decide for you. It is you and only you who can answer that question of "To Work or Not to Work?" #NoConditionsApply

My ordeal with Chennai rains as a Non-Resident Chennaite !

It has been raining (pouring, to be apt) for more than a couple of weeks now in Chennai. My parents have had intermittent power supply (notice that I said power supply, not power failures) and live in Velachery - one of the most inundated parts of Chennai.

London November 30, 2015  4 pm, in my routine call to my Mom, she informed that it had stopped raining and that the Sun was out and she even went out to her Abacus class since last couple of days.

December 01, 2015 10:00 a.m. My Mom and she says that the rains have started again and is pouring heavily. There is water stagnated on the streets and there is no power since yesterday night. It is was not uncommon, when monsoons arrive for people in Chennai.

Rewind a couple of decades....I remember my school days when we used to carry our uniforms in plastic covers, wade through hip deep water, which essentially means your school wear completely drenched. So we could not leave our homes wearing the School uniform. We used to walk till our friends' home - which were closer to the main road & was at a higher level than where our home was at that time - and then change into our school uniforms and leave our wet clothes to dry in their house. While we returned from school we could do the reverse process and then return to our homes, again wading through the stagnant waters. This would be for a week or so every monsoon.

Then I remember campaigns started on rain water harvesting and the storm water drain projects which gave us hope that it might get better in future. But nothing changed much. We eventually started accepting the fact that we should be ready to brave hip-deep water, during the peak raining season. Almost every 10 years, there would be heavy floods which would fill the Adyar & Cooum Rivers to its brink, and the slum dwellers living in its banks would always get displaced due to floods and the excess water that is opened out from the neighbouring lakes and reservoirs. I specifically remember 1986 and 2005 monsoon. In 1986 (the year we moved into our own home after the construction completed), the place where we lived (Guindy) was flooded with hip deep waters for adults and they had to carry us (kids) and our great grandmother (lifted by chair) over their shoulders and walk all the way to the main road.

A picture of the Adyar river from
Saidapet Bridge in 2005 floods

In 2005, after celebrating our first Diwali after marriage in my parents' home in Guindy, we had to move to my apartment (near the Vijayanagar bus terminus), as the water levels were rising, as it was better located. But after 2 days of torrential rain and power failures, we had some more guests seeking asylum, and so we had over 8 people crammed up in my apartment. Adding to this, we were scared that the water would enter my apartment soon, as we were on the ground floor. We cleared out the bottom two shelves and decided to leave to "more" higher ground before it was too late and "migrated" to T.Nagar where my uncle lived. But thankfully the rain stopped in a couple of days and we went back to our respective homes, laughing over our experience. I remember the blog we wrote about it in 2005 with a few pictures that we took then, inside ourapartment complex and the view of Adyar river flowing in full spate under the Saidapet Bridge. There have been many in-between...

2005 Floods: Raft parked just at the
entry to my apartment building

Present day in London.... All these memories were going through my mind when my Mom told me about the consistent rain for more than 10 days in Chennai. As we have gone through this difficult situation very often, I assumed my Mom would have managed it well, stocked up enough food and water to last at least for a week if need be and the only major consequences are due to power failures.

December 2, 2015: I wake up on Wednesday morning,  and go on as usual to get my children to school. My husband was travelling to France. I come back home and try calling my Mom to check if she was OK. I could not reach her and thought maybe due to lack of power her phone battery drained out and then log in to Facebook to see a slew of messages and pictures about the bad situation in Chennai with some places under 6 feet of water !!! For a few seconds I lost all senses... I just sat there still. My fingers went cold and then adrenaline rushed in. I tried reaching out all my contacts in Chennai - family, friends, neighbours, maid, worried sick about their safety. I also tried calling their numbers directly through Viber, WhatsApp, land lines.. But none of them were reachable (later read in the media that cell phone towers were down as well)

December 3, 2015, I wake at 5:30 a.m. (half an hour before the alarm went off) and start calling again. Still the same, no land lines or mobiles reachable. Still no news from home. Facebook and Twitter are "flooded" with NRC's (Non-resident Chennaites) like me, posting messages with addresses of their loved ones and asking for some kind of information on them. None of my friends or family still reachable. But I just keep going through the daily chores as my young family is dependent on my sane condition, especially with my Husband away as well. My husband calls me back in his lunch time (after reading my SOS texts and tweets) and I still have not been able to contact my parents. After sharing my plight with him, I went back to calling  every Chennai number on my address book. Finally by end of the day, I was getting frantic. Meanwhile, my sister (currently in Dubai) seemed to have been lucky to have talked to my Mom (for a few seconds), where we came to know that they were safe, but then the call got disconnected before sharing any additional information. While this provided us with some relief, it did not alleviate our fears as TV channels continue to scare with predictions for rains to continue and intensify during the next 48 hours.

December 4, 2015,  After sleeping for just 5 hours, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. again to a message on WhatsApp from my sister that our parents were heading outside Chennai (to Coimbatore) with my Uncle's family. As their mobile phones were charged (seems they checked in to a hotel the previous night, after being rescued on boat), I was finally able to speak with them. By evening time, I was able to reach all my extended family and friends through WhatsApp or otherwise and learn about their safety and their experiences battling the rains.

The feeling of "helplessness" of not being able to do anything but to dial number after number, to be met with a message that kept saying that "This number is either switched off or not reachable", was so frustrating. The only solace at that time was social networking sites that kept updating more current information (than the TV News channels) and Google emergency response link that had grouped all the information and made it easy to search for.

On the positive side, the response of Chennaites across the world was so heartening. In addition to that, the spirit of the local people & volunteers on the ground was phenomenal. I am thankful to everyone, who directly helped (or indirectly involved in helping) my family and friends to stay safe through this ordeal. A special thanks to the NDRF for going beyond their call of duty to assist massive rescue operations across the city.

Proud to hail from such a city  - that is always ready to stretch a helping hand to anyone in need, without any kind of discrimination, facing adversity or criticism with a smile - shows real spirit & character!!

Words fall short to describe the gruelling experience of those 72 hours, till I could reach family and friends.  Reading my Mom's experience - published in Rediff.com News -  made me re-live the entire emotional roller coaster, worrying for their safety and the safe return of my Husband from France (due to the recent high alert situation post the unfortunate events in Paris during mid November).

In the current age, when lives are claimed so easily due to disasters (natural and man-made), Tamil Nadu and France's solidarity demonstrated during crisis should be a lesson to all of us to understand about Humanity and its strength. We should learn from this and strive consciously do our share (however small it is) to contribute to the betterment of the society as a whole (which is easily possible when we consider the whole world as our own family, or following the concepts "Do unto others what you want for yourself", "Be the change that you wish to see").