My First FB Live on 'Coping with Social Change', Learnings & Recommendations

My relocation to India has not just been a personal learning curve but also been good for my professional exposure and experience. Yesterday, 17 May, 2020, I attempted to host a live session on Facebook (FB) for SuperParents, an initiative of Divyam Trust.

I prepared on a topic "Coping with Social Change", which was close to my heart and relevant to the new age parents. 

I learnt how to conduct FB live session, toggling between my laptop and mobile, to screen share my presentation online. The session was planned for 45 minutes including Q & A, and I managed to time check quite well. Thankfully I had prepared the visual cues and rehearsed the entire narration by self-recording. Being a weekend my spouse also obliged to sit in and observe my rehearsal, providing valuable improvement feedback to make my presentation style and flow of content more engaging with the target audience. Both of these helped me get through my first session with confidence and deliver my best for this maiden attempt. 

The entire live session is available on the SuperParents FB handle as three separate videos (Introduction, the main presentation and the Q & A). 

Having a budding digital artist in-house does have its own advantages. I enlisted my daughter's help to stitch the three videos into one full-length video, using KineMaster (adding watermark and snipping relevant portions and exporting options etc.).

So here is the stitched video that runs for about 45 minutes from start to end! 

With this experience, my recommendation to Solopreneurs/Mompreneurs/Homepreneurs & those who are part of the gig economy are:

1. Understand and leverage the Internet to your personal advantage starting with:
• Having profiles set up on at least the basic platforms - FB, Instagram, LinkedIn and Google. Depending on your target audience and the reach you would like to have, you can explore other options too including Twitter, TikTok, Youtube, etc.
• Familiarise yourself with the messengers of the above social media accounts and actively respond to messages that you receive. You never know when one of these might become your prospective client or a word-of-mouth marketer for the services you offer.
2. Using Mobile and Laptop to join and host online sessions
• Have the necessary plug-ins and tools downloaded and installed. Try them with your family and friends
• Any updates of the existing software that need to be done also have to be taken care of.
3. Know and familiarise with basic tools that are needed in today's world (Zoom, WebEx, FBLive, Hangouts/Meet, Microsoft Teams (Advanced users), Zoho social/meets.
4. Give adequate care to personal appearance as well, especially if you are conducting live video sessions. This is important because your appearance can impact the impression people have on you and if you are hosting a session on behalf of an organisation, then they also base their opinion about the host organisation as well on the basis of your appearance.
5. Invest in a good quality headset (with mute / noise cancelleation options, to cut-off unwanted noise in your background) and camera (with HD option). Helps in making professional streaming videos with good picture and voice quality.
6. Preparation is the key. Trying to make impromptu speeches live, may not be everybody's cup of tea.
7. Rehearse, Rehearse, and Rehearse - The importance of this cannot be emphasised enough. It helps you deal with time-checks, fog-on, browser & software issues and other non-verbal cues/fillers that might end up diverting focus from the point-in-discussion. E.g. In my case, because I rehearsed, I realised that the regular version of Google Chrome did not allow me to start a FB Live video from my laptop. I needed to download the beta version. I still need to understand why it was so, but doing it ahead of time helped me in being prepared with the necessary software for conducting the live on the scheduled date at the right time.

Playing A Small Part in my Social Responsibility

My volunteering journey has been quite long and has traveled with me to every school that I have moved to as a child and to every country I have relocated as an adult. Giving back in kind to the community that I reside in, is something I have picked up from my childhood. “Our Village Our Responsibility” (OVOR - #OurVillageOurResponsibility, #OVOR) is an organisation that I have had the pleasure to be associated with after my recent move to India. They are a team, who is passionate about making things better around for all of us, a group of people who share similar views as me.

Their call for volunteer tutors on their Facebook page, to conduct eTeaching for children studying in Government schools in the Virudhunagar district, caught my attention and thus started my association with the founder, Ms. Kavitha K Pandian – an NRI living in the USA. Through their “Classes through Skype” initiative, English and Computer subjects are taught across 28 Government Schools in Virudhunagar, Dindugal, Villupuram and Theni Districts, covering 5200+ students per week involving 150+ volunteer tutors. 

Our Village Our Responsibility was registered as a trust in 2018, though Ms. Kavitha has been working towards this cause individually for around 15 years. The main focus areas for OVOR are: 

• Motivating youngsters to participate & work towards ensuring better governance by elected representatives and public servants.
• Focusing on bringing Govt schools to the forefront by
• Teaching English, National Means-Cum-Merit Scholarship (NMMS) & Computer Science through Skype. This is to bridge the gap between the private schools and government schools, where the government schools are at a disadvantage due to the challenge in the available resources (including personnel and materials). 
• Improvement in Infrastructure: A very critical aspect of providing quality education, especially for the girl children and first-generation learners. In order to make education more appealing and comfortable, infrastructure is a key factor. E.g. toilets, safe and strong school building, comfortable chairs & tables to sit, a library with at least a handful of books for additional reading to improve language and knowledge.

I have been tutoring 25 children in Class VIII from Government High School, Thulukapatty in Virudhunagar District, once a week, for the past 6 months. When an opportunity presented, I also made a personal visit to the school on 18-Nov-19 for face-to-face interaction with the children and staff. 

Having lived in the city all my life, even the Government School building that I have come across, was big in size. This school, which was about 30 minutes’ drive from the town of Virudhunagar, was quite small and no bigger than 4000 sq ft area (maybe even lesser than that). It has a total strength of 156 students (Classes I to X) and 8 teachers who are responsible of teaching these children every subject and prepare them to face the exams of school and life. Having said that, I could not find even one unhappy child in that school. Every direction I turned, I only saw curious happy faces, eager to know who I was (a stranger who was visiting their school). 

I spent almost 2 hours with Class VIII. I had prepared 2 interactive activities to understand how I needed to change my approach to teaching English for them. One was a translation of a small Tamil moral story and the other was to build a passage or a few sentences using 5 random words. They put in their best and earnestly tried to do both these activities for my benefit. In all that 2 hours, I never saw a bored face, a face that was frustrated to sit in class, none of them wanted to walk out of the classroom when the break bell rang. They all were actively participating in the classroom activity, being seated on the floor. That showed me a new perspective of life at a Government school and made me want to do more for the eager to learn spirit. This day turned out to be a humbling and happy experience for me. From the response of the children, I am to understand that they also had fun & benefitted from my visit.

There are people who do chequebook charity and there are those who spare their time and effort for the same cause. Both kinds are needed for any purpose to see the light of day. While I and many like me spare our time for Skype tutoring, there have been many who have contributed in the form of money and materials that made the installation of a computer room with at least a dozen systems, broadband connection to make Skype classes possible and a room to hold these things. This school and many like this one still need basic infrastructure improvement and basic amenities like clean toilets. 

I would urge all those who do not provide for either of the above, to do their share either for OVOR (or through other means), to do something to give back to the community. The contentment and the sense of achievement of being an instrument of change in someone’s life is a big personal morale booster that nothing else in life can give you. 

My earnest request to all parents (esp. with children studying in private schools) and youngsters who want to bring in a social change: Please join hands with such volunteering initiatives and do visit at least one government school, for them to give them an exposure to being socially inclusive and responsible.

Let us do our share to realise the dreams of our leaders who dreamt of a socially inclusive and adaptive society that treats every individual with the same dignity and respect as self!

Taking a Stab at Creating Short Stories & Snippets

My journey as a writer has evolved multifold and recently I have been brave enough to venture out as a contributor to other popular social platforms. The one I have had the most delightful experience is @ Momspresso. This platform enabled me to explore writing in my mother tongue (Tamil) despite the fact that I only learnt the basics of the written form of the language (the spoken and written form are very different). Having moved around to different schools during my schooling days (by virtue of my Dad's job as a banker) within India, I had to choose a language that would remain common in all the State and Central curriculum (so, Hindi was my second language in school).

I have picked a few of my100 Word Challenges that I enjoyed creating @ Momspresso, which were straight from my heart. I also won Weekly Prompt challenges, some of them conducted in association with popular publishing houses. Would love to hear from you, to see if they resonate with similar experiences you'd have seen in your life.
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On moving back to India, after a decade of living as an immigrant resident in foreign countries, the sight of minors on motorbikes troubled me a lot. This post was with respect to that:

I Hope it is not Arjun!

Vinay and Sharada together hurried to the nearest police station. At the entrance, they saw their favourite motorbike that Arjun, their 15 yr old son, had taken to run a few errands for them. It was damaged beyond repair. Expecting the worst, they went in to inquire about their missing son. The inspector said, "Your son is in critical condition. Go to the Govt. Hospital ICU". Sharada was breathless... Just then she heard a resounding Vrooom of a bike. Waking up from her nap, she rushed down to ensure it wasn't her son, Arjun, who was driving the bike.
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The hopeless romantic and optimist that I am, the normalcy of every marital relationship, after a few initial years of romance, prompted me to write on how even simple things can bring back the spark into the marital life however lengthy and monotonous it has been.

The Second Proposal

In a room full of family and friends celebrating their 25th anniversary, Riya was feeling lonely. She wished life had a rewind button to go back to the time when she felt alive, not just a role - mother, wife, daughter, in-law!

Suddenly the lights went out. Riya turned to go to her book room. The room echoed "I am because of you. Sorry I haven't been around a lot, lately."

'Will you be my w(l)ife?' projected on the wall. Lights came on. Rishab was kneeling before her. She hugged him and cried, "I love you!"
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The hopelessness of sexual abuse becoming a piece of everyday news initiated this rant:

Stuck in a Rut Even When the Obvious Stares in your Face!

Every alternate day at least, we read about it.
Every once in a while we talk about the hopelessness of the situation.
Every person takes to the street to protest such a heinous act of crime

This goes on for a few weeks, and sometimes months, and then the human memory happens. The incident, event, and the emotions that it invoked is forgotten and life goes back to its old self - new victims in the making, a more heinous sexual act in some part of the world ready to unfold and the whole nine yards repeats without a change.
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My eternal wish, of Empathy and Humanity driving actions of every individual, will automatically make mindfulness & equality as a way of life, brought these words to life.

Colours of Hope Disintegrate the Screen of Black Smoke

The rise of awareness, the increasing loudness of opinions and voices against the social issues, the double standards that is prevalent based on gender, gives hope that slowly and steadily the black curtain of smoke, that is covering the colours of true happiness of living a life driven by the rules of empathy and humanity, will eventually disintegrate and vanish. That would be the real burst of colours in all our lives.

A world where everyone is respected and lauded equally without the bias of any categories.

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My first attempt in தமிழ் for a blogging prompt விலைமதிப்பற்றது. I won this weekly prompt challenge and got featured... A thrilling and fulfilling experience for a first attempt. As a winning reward, I was called for a Facebook (FB) Live to read out my story and had a first FB live experience. 

பாலியல் சமத்துவத்தை நிறுவ பெண்களின் முக்கிய பங்கு

பெண் அமைதிகாப்பது இயலாமையில் அல்ல, புரிதலில். 

ஒரு குடும்பத்தின் ஆளுமைக்கான பெருமையை ஆணுக்கு கொடுக்கும் இந்த சமுதாயம் மறக்கும் விஷயம், அந்த குடும்பத்தை சீராக வழிநடத்தி செல்வது முற்றிலும் ஒரு பெண் என்பவளே! 

ஒரு ஆண் தன் உள்ளுரணர்வையும் இயலாமையையும் வெளிப்படுத்துவதை தூற்றும் இதே சமுதாயம் தான், மானத்தையும் மரியாதையையும் ஒரு பெண்ணின் ஆடையிலும் ஒழுக்கத்தை அவளின் பழக்க வழக்கங்களிலும் தேடுகிறது.

ஒரு தாய் (பெண்) நினைத்தால் தன் மகனையும் மகளையும் வேற்றுமையின்றி ஒரே நெறிகளை கற்றுக்கொடுத்து வளர்க்க முடியும். பெண்ணுக்கு எது தவறோ, அது ஆணுக்கும் தவறு. ஆணுக்கு எது சரியோ அது பெண்ணுக்கும் சரியே. 

சமையலறையும் வீட்டு வேலையும் பெண்ணின் சொத்து அல்ல. குடும்பத்தில் இருக்கும் அனைவருக்கும் அது பொதுவானவையே. இதை ஒரு பெண் மனதில் உறுதியாக கொண்டு வாழ்ந்தால், இந்த சமுதாயத்திற்கு மாறுவதை தவிர வேறு வழி இல்லாமல் போகும். இந்த பாலியல் சமத்துவம் விலைமதிப்பற்றது!

(Translation of the above post for the tag word - Precious

Title - Women's Role in bringing about Gender Equality

A woman's silence implies an understanding of the situation, not helplessness.

This society that places a man on a pedestal and gives him the power to dominate and lead the family, fails to realise that the actual leading and guiding is done by the female of the home. 

This society that ridicules a man who wears his heart and emotions on the sleeve for being too weak, claims that a woman's conduct and respect is defined by the attire she wears and her social habits and her friends' group.

A mother has the power in her parenting methods to ensure that her children grow up without gender bias. What is right for a boy/man is right for a girl/woman and what is wrong for a girl/woman is wrong for a boy/man.

Household chores and kitchen are not exclusive to a woman. Everyone in the family should share these chores. If a woman lives her life with these thoughts as her guiding force, then this world has no choice but to change. This gender equality is the most precious of all.)

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Again the same kind of news on children and women being victims of gender bias and sexual harassment and abuse news (more specifically, a child who was sexually abused and murdered near her home) initiated this rant in my mother tongue (Tamil), where such raw emotions are better expressed.

அ‌ரிது அ‌ரிது பெ‌ண்ணா‌‌ய் ‌பிற‌ப்பது அ‌ரிது

அ‌ரிது அ‌ரிது பெ‌ண்ணா‌‌ய் ‌பிற‌ப்பது அ‌ரிது என்று ஒ‌ளவையா‌ர் அன்று சொன்னார். 

இன்று, தினம் ஒரு செய்தி - பெண், பெண் பிள்ளை மட்டும் அல்ல, பெண் குழந்தையின் பாலியல் பலாத்காரம். ஒரு பெண்ணின் உடை ஆபாசத்தை தூண்டுகிறது என்ற அபத்தமான குற்றச்சாட்டு வலுவிழந்தது. 

ஒரு மூதாட்டியின் நடையிலும் உடையிலும் என்ன ஆபாசம்? 

ஒரு நடைபழகாத அல்லது பழகும் குழந்தையின் உடையில் கூட ஆபாசம் இருக்கிறதோ?

ஒருவேளை அவர்களின் பாவங்கள் காமத்தை தூண்டுகிறதோ?

காதலை மறுத்தாலும் ஏற்றாலும் அவளின் உயிரை மாய்த்து விடும் இந்த சமுதாயம். வேலைக்கு சென்றால் குற்றம், படித்துவிட்டு வீட்டில் இருந்தால் குற்றம், அரசியல் மற்றும் பொதுநலம் பேசினால் குற்றம், சுயநலமாய் இருந்தால் குற்றம், நடந்தால் குற்றம், நின்றால் குற்றம், சிரித்தால் குற்றம் ... ஒரு பெண் இன்று சுவாசிப்பதே குற்றமாக கருதும் நிலை மனதை பாரமாக்குகிறது.

இனிமேலாவது ஆண்களுக்கு, பெண்களை எப்படி மதிப்பது என்பதை கற்றுத்தருவோம்.

(Translation of the above post

Title: The rarest gift of time is to be born as a Woman (The title is a quote from a poem of Auvaiyaar)

Auvaiyaar said a long time ago "The rarest gift is to be born as a Woman".

Today, rape & abuse of not just women, but girl child as young as few months old, and women as old as 80 years, is everyday news. In this context, the argument that the seductive dress that a woman wears is what instigates such crimes loses its value.

What sensuality does one see in the wrinkled ageing lady almost nearing the last stages of her life or in a newborn just crawling or learning to walk child wearing a cute skirt/frock/shorts/baby nappy? Maybe their facial reactions and smiles might induce feelings of sensuality for the perverted mind!

A society that doesn't let a girl live her life irrespective of whether she accepts or rejects a proposal of love extended to her. She is judged irrespective of whether she chooses to stay-at-home or to be a working woman after completing her graduation, has a political opinion, is selfish, is selfless. Anything she chooses to do it is always her fault when something goes south and this situation pains me.

At least from now, let us teach a boy/man to treat a girl/woman right and to respect her as a human being.)

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Are you conscious of Teen Driving without license?

After a great weekend at my parents’, I was driving back home with my two children on my scooter. About a mile away from home, a teenage boy (but still a few years short of legal driving age) came out driving his Scooty suddenly from a side lane Thankfully I did not lose control of the vehicle but, for a moment, I wanted to shout at him. But I saw him struggling to keep his vehicle balanced and hence did not want to risk his safety by shouting at him from behind.

It was quite a narrow road and being a Sunday, the traffic was reasonably less. Just as I thought he was going to stabilise, he wobbled and tapped on the leg of a biker, who was just about to start his bike from his parking lot. I was hoping that the boy would stop now, but he kept driving.

This biker raced after his scooter and stopped him a few yards ahead and picked the key of his scooter. Then he slapped the boy hard… not once, not twice but kept doing it. As I crossed the scene, something in me, wanted to stop and intervene. By then some of the passer-bys (on foot and bikes), a few of the shoppers and an auto-driver had gathered around.

We all tried to stop the biker, who was physically hurting the boy and shouting at him for riding the bike and throwing slur on his parents for letting him ride the bike. I tried to reason out with him saying that he was right on the point that the boy shouldn’t be riding the bike, but physically hurting him is not how he should insist on this point.

“Take him home to his parents, talk to them about the risk that the child poses to himself and to the others on the road by riding the bike while under-age. You can also add the fact that they should be the responsible adults to teach right from wrong to their children and make sure that the child waits till he is of legal age, apply and get a valid driving license, and then take a bike on road. You can’t physically hit a child (especially in the absence of the parents) for a blunder he cannot fully comprehend. It is the parents that haven’t been responsible enough to say no to his requests of riding a bike or they themselves could have told him to run a small errand for them, as this was not a main road/highway.”

But,the biker was still agitated and angry. A father on a bike with his daughter (one of few who had gathered around), who also witnessed the entire thing unfold from the point where I saw it, supported what I said, “That Madam saw the entire thing happen as I did too. This child tapped him lightly. When the boy rode ahead, the biker was removing the stand of his bike which the boy did not anticipate.”

This seemed to agitate this biker even more. By now, the boy was badly shaken and in tears. The auto-driver planted himself between the biker and the boy and took back the boy’s scooter key. All this aggravated the biker’s anger, but being outnumbered he decided to retreat and hence sat on his bike. He still wanted to prove he was justified in hitting the boy and he decided to pick the weakest (according to him) among the crowd to terrorise next - a Mother with two children in tow on her two wheeler - which was me. He directed all that anger on me and said, “Do you know how painful it will to be hit on the leg that has gone through a surgery? I will show you by hitting you with my bike.If it were my son, I would not allow him to ride a bike at all”. Saying this he removed the stand of his bike and made a lunging action towards me without starting the bike.

For an instant, I was worried for the safety of my children as they were also on my scooter behind me (though wearing their helmets). I wished I had parked my scooter at a safe distance, secured my children before I came to the help at the scene. Thankfully some people around us stopped him and said that he was being bull headed.

Father on the bike: “Even if the child had made a fault/blunder, you have no right to physically abuse him.”

Passer by 1: “Sir, please stay back. We agree that he shouldn’t be riding a scooter, but that doesn’t warrant you to vent your anger on a small child and terrorise him. Madam is right.”

Auto Driver: “Are you leaving or I am going to call the police. You can file a complaint against the boy and his parents for what they did and we will all update them about how you dealt with it”.

The biker knew he was outnumbered and things were taking a different turn where he might also be at fault. So he left.

The boy was shaking due to fear. We all advised him to head back home and not ride the bike here after till he was legally allowed. I was hoping one of the other adults who did not have a child would drive him home, but the auto driver gave the key to the child and asked him to go. I volunteered to take him home but I could not leave my kids with strangers. So I rode behind him with my heart beating so fast (due to fear for his safety) that I felt palpitations.

Thankfully we went into smaller lanes which were empty and soon we reached the shop (not house) where his Mother was manning the shop. He parked the bike, locked it and ran into the shop and went behind the racks to hide and probably cry. His mother was concerned. I parked my bike in front of the shop, took my kids and went in and had a word with the mother. I narrated the entire incident and told her that she was lucky that the child did not end in any major life threatening accident. He is shaken up due being slapped by the bike multiple times and this would be one bitter experience he would carry through his life. I also requested her that she doesn’t allow him to do anything that he shouldn’t be doing for his age for his own safety.

While coming back, my son (the younger one) said, “That Anna (brother) did something risky. Children shouldn’t ride bikes. And he wasn’t even wearing a helmet. He must wear one like you and I have, to be safe.” I agreed with him and felt proud of what I have been able to instill in him as a parent.

Once home, I looked at my elder daughter, who was silent and asked her if she was okay and she said, “I am shocked that a child gets to ride a bike in India… A BIKE FOR GOD’s SAKE. How could his parents let him do that?” I was happy that she knew where to place the blame.

I said, “Some people are like that. They think it is cool that their child is doing things like these.”

Shocked she says, “This is NOT cool. It is dangerous. He could die.”

“I know. I just hope that the mother realises her mistake, waits till he has his license to let him ride again.”

“Amma, I was happy that you helped the boy and took him home safely but maybe next time, you should get off your bike before you start talking to crazy adults who attack children and their parents so that we all can also be safe.”

I was brimming with pride by my children’s reaction to the incident, and I learnt my lesson for the next time while I show people that I am not to be taken lightly!

Enough has been talked on this topic of teen driving in our media and there have been cases where the parents' have been penalised for the troubles they get into, because of driving (without a license) and still this menace seems to be on the rise. This incident left a huge impact on me and my children.

I wish parents:

• Be role models for their children by doing what is right and ensure to not engage in any activity that are not age appropriate (like teen driving, creating fake profiles online to play games)


• Set clear boundaries not give in to their tantrums or excuses (like one-off permission to drive without their license, getting their school project done, without involvement from the child...)  


• Do not lose cool and act at the spur of the moment (like this man who physically assaulted a child on the road, instead of considering his safety and having a word with his parents about it).


• Be responsible & sensible adults, who can have meaningful conversations with their children about their safety and social responsibilities (like importance of learning to drive and having a valid license at the right age, wearing helmets...)

Originally published by me on Momspresso on 04, Dec 2018. Adapted for my personal blog.

Are you a "knee-jerk" parent?

Recently, had an interesting conversation with my first born (FB), who is in 6th grade.

It all started when I picked her up after school. All the children were running out of the school lobby, with bright smiling faces. My FB came out with a long face and said she had something she wanted to talk when we reached home. This statement had me worrying and I had to ask her, “Can you give me a gist of what it is about?”.

She drops a bombshell that she kind of has started hating specific subject class, as the teacher was being unfair. So I asked her, “What do you mean unfair?”

She starts her detailed explanation with the statement that the teacher says that “the boys in our class are better than the girls” and she never tells us what we need to do to improve our submitted work, so that next time we can do better. All she says is, “This isn’t up to the expectations and I can’t tell you what you need to do better”.

The feminist mother in me immediately reacts with, “What the hell? How can a teacher in a position of responsibility, make such a biased and unfair statement?”, but thankfully I was sane enough to keep my mouth shut and told my daughter that we would continue the discussion once we reach home.

We come home, I dispense my SAHM duties of giving my children their evening drink and snacks, catch up on my WhatsApp messages and then asked her, “So, now tell me what were you talking about in school about the class you did not like?”

So she starts off with her narrative again and this time with some additional information.

“Amma, we had a few group projects we had to do as part of our class work and the teacher put us in groups of 4 comprising of all girls or all boys group. Every time we finish our class work project, we are marked and today the teacher said that that in our class the boys seem to be more creative than the girls. She always gave them high marks and we got 4/10.”

I had to struggle to curtail my instantaneous reaction to want to cajole my child and say she was the best and find out the whole thing before I jumped to any conclusion. “Did you ask your teacher why you were marked so low and what could be done better for your work be termed better?”

“Yes. We did.”

“So what was her answer?”

“She said she couldn’t tell that but just that we had to improve on our creativity, presentation and catchiness”.

I was a bit annoyed that this would be the answer that a teacher would give a child studying in 6th grade. But then, my trust in the schooling system and the faith that the world around you is the best teacher and whatever happens, always happens for a reason, kicked in. So I proceeded to prod further.

“Okay… So are you allowed to check out each others’ work after it is marked?”

“Yes, Amma.”

“So did you check the work of the group that was given more marks than you?”

“Yes.”

“What did you think of their work? According to you, did you think that their work was worthy enough of getting more than you or was it like yours or bad?”

“It was better than ours.”

“Okay. Now I am confused. If it was better than yours, then why do you think that your teacher was unfair to mark them more than you.”

“If you put it like that…. But she told that the boys were way better than the girls. That was hurtful.”

Now, slowly the problem surfaces. So I ask, “Okay I agree that such a blanket statement could have been avoided, but the world is unfair in making such stereotypical judgemental statements. So we do not have a choice but to deal with it. And in this case, it was a factual statement, though a bit harshly put. Is that the only reason you are hurt or is there more to it? Did someone tell you that your teacher was being unfair?”

“Yes, my friends said that this teacher is always partial with the boys and that in all the classes she goes, she says these kinds of statements.”

“Let us now stop with this thought process and focus on facts. Do you feel or have your experienced first hand that this teacher acts partially in her approach or do you think she was just making a factual observation as far as your class is concerned?”

After a couple seconds of thought, she answers, “She was making a factual observation.”

“Does she always make such stereotypical remarks in the last few months you have been attending her class, or was it just the first time she made this statement and that too after the work was evaluated and the statement was justified by the work displayed?”

“This is the first time…” Her face breaks out in a smile and all her frustration, disappointment and hurt vanishes. “Thank you for helping me see clearly. Next time I will try harder.”

“If you still think the teacher was wrong and unfair, I can come and talk to her about it.”

“No Amma, I was wrong. I started thinking she was unfair because all my friends were saying so and I believed that and became kind of biased. I couldn’t see it as clearly as this. How do you do it Amma?”

“Very simple. Next time before you get angry or frustrated about something or someone, evaluate the entire situation with just the facts, rather than the opinions of others. What I did now was only help you see through the facts and filter out the opinions. Once you have done this, and you still think that the anger or frustration is justified, then work towards finding the way to remove that anger/frustration and fix it once and for all. Sometimes it might not be that simple and you might just have to let it go with no fix… In such cases, take your time to vent out the frustration in a constructive way and then move on.”

“Love you Amma. Now I can go and do my homework peacefully.”

I smiled and thanked my mother to have given me this kind of practical thinking and a sense of “detached attachment” to be able to see the big picture before I jump to conclusions. So my question to all you parents are, do you instantly jump to comfort your child when they are frustrated or complaining OR do you help your child analyse the situation, and arrive at a practical conclusion to help them out of their frustrated mood?

Note: Originally published by me and featured in Momspresso (Showcased as "Article of the Month" for October 2018) as Are You Actually A Knee-Jerk Parent? .

Social Influence of Visual Media

Recently, while I was sharing my views on the impact of Visual Media (movies, TVs, print and phone) to a friend who was collating points for a talk on the topic, she suggested that my passion on this would probably make me a more apt speaker on this and that I should probably write on this myself as well. Here is my take on the same.

Reach of Media

Let us first look at the reach of Visual media. In the current age visual media is a given, not just in every household but in the hands of every individual through the smartphones held by them (sometimes even as an infant). With this kind of deep integration in very individual’s life, the visual media wields immense power of influence over different age groups, and demographic spread of population. They can create the maximum impact with the least effort and time. Simple things like the colours used, the usage of words and the posture and gestures of the persons on the screen can send a very strong message to the viewers. One of my previous post on ‘Today’s Media Boon or a Bane’ touched upon the tip of the iceberg of an aspect that needs attention. It talked about the overall media impact including, Social Networking, Print, Audio and Visual media.

Voltaire said “With great power comes great responsibility” (or if you would prefer a more recent and relatable reference Uncle Ben from Spiderman gave the same advice to Peter Parker).

Progressive (or Regressive) changes of Visual Media

From the time of its inception, the visual media has undergone enormous changes starting with print form (newspapers, magazines - dailies/weekly/monthlies, television, computers & mobiles). Initially when television was launched, the choice of channels and the variety of programmes offered were very minimal (one channel shared between national broadcast and regional broadcast). Now we have unlimited choices of channels not just for entertainment but even news.

For instance, NEWS (explanation as learnt when in school - North East West South - the first words from these together form the word NEWS and hence) was supposed to be neutral delivery of the happenings from all over the nation during the course of the day till that time. It used to be one time when the whole family sat together to watch and listen to the news headlines at 7:00 (or 7:30)  p.m. and then the detailed news bulletin an hour later. No sensationalisation, no hype, no bias, no emotions, no noise… just plain news a two minute section for world news as well. Content was good enough to be watched anyone from any age group, and everyone was encouraged to watch it not just for knowing about the news but also the learn oratory skills (of how to pause, stress, and pronounce). Even in print form, the headlines always had some kind of achievement by the central or state government, progress of financial institutions, achievements/awards by individuals, incidents/anecdotes of bravery and valor while the supplements had educational and learning material mostly with very less space for gossip columns and speculative news.

The so-called debates on television are another ball game where you have 6-8 panelists talking on every topic (irrespective of the topic’s value, relevance or need) possible - when I say talking, not in turns (which is what we instruct children to do when two or more of them start talking at once), but all talking (or rather shouting) at the same time that you only hear noise and no words. Whoever shouts the loudest gets his/her point across. In this situation, if you decide to watch the news with the entire family (like we used to when I was young) I wonder what message we would be giving our children - That it is okay to shout, be abusive and hurtful, angry and talk out of turn and if you manage to shout the loudest then you will be heard maybe something in those lines? It has been a few years now since we stopped watching news channels. I prefer to read news, more specifically search for news that I would like to read about and read only that.

Negativity and Gossip sells!

Now, with news channels cropping up like crazy, one would assume that there is so much going on in the world that you have so many news channels covering worldwide news. But sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case. It is a race to who first makes the breaking news and grabs the attention of the viewers and in turn increase the channel’s rating, and each one vying for top ratings by maximising eyeball capturing. In this race, news channels have become like reality TV with Facebook (FB) and WhatsApp forwards feeding the headlines of the news only to be later (after the damage is already done) followed up with (very rarely an accompanying apology for spreading false news) coverage stating that the hoax form FB or WhatsApp was justified or not. 

Negative news is the in-thing now. First page news or headlines on almost every news channel is either a gossip or a disaster, a mishap, a protest, a chain snatching, an abduction/rape/acid attack/.... If you search long enough then you will eventually find a positive news somewhere amidst all this negative news for meager 1-2 sec screen time or a 3 inch by 3 inch space on print.

Things that used to belong in tabloids and supplements now are becoming main topics of discussion. If this is news, then what would be the state of affairs of Advertisements and Soaps (or serials)?! There are some good advertisements and serials like the ones in my other blog post Welcoming Positive Changes in the Indian mindset !

But then there are others which convey messages like

• a person’s (male / female alike) self-worth is determined by their skin colour and if they can make it a shade brighter, they can rule the world or it would instill the confidence that they would need to take on the world.
• Mental abuse and physical torture of a child (traumatising to watch even for an grown adult) by an adult or child (individually or as a group) is acceptable/partly acceptable if done in private away from the eyes of the family or the society.

Adverse Stereotyping

One of my favourite Tamil movie is Indira. I am probably biased because it was a movie directed by Suhasini Maniratnam (loved her in the movie Sindhu Bhiravi, among other movies of hers). Indira had the female protagonist playing the lead role in bringing a change in the social setup that she lived in. Added is the fact that I loved the hero of the movie (me being a young adult gushing over a handsome and sensitive male portrayal that the hero of that movie had in comparison to the all macho perspective that all other movies give to the hero). Very few movies show a cast that you can relate to in real life. Most of them come with a kind of hero worship characters where the hero / heroine is either portrayed as larger than life or have pitiable backstory from which they grow to reach overnight success. The latter probably does happen in real life as well but the more common occurrence is when you are able to relate to a major chunk of the population.

The constant portrayal of stalking tendencies in the movie where the hero/heroine cannot understand the word NO even when it is told clearly and continue to pursue their counterpart till they succumb, sends a message that it is okay to do that and that NO does not actually mean NO. After all this, we then blame the adolescents who are already in a confused age (state) of self discovery of derailing from the path of progress. I do not mean to say that all movies have to be made with a message, but is it really necessary to show the typical wooing of hero/heroine only by pursuing to the extent of stalking? Are there not better ways to show their attraction to each other?

Another aspect is where body shaming, gender discrimination/stereotyping dialogues/conversations are justified as being culturally acceptable. This paves way to the existence of the blind spot to real life issues in schools, colleges and even work places relating to the above areas and more.

Parental Role in leveraging Visual Media for the good

The visual media plays a very impactful role in shaping the minds of different generations including the one that is just in its nascent stage of growth. What kind of human beings do we want that generation which is in their formative years of 5-16 yrs to grow up in to when they become adults? One that would stand up for the right reasons or one that would give up on living (and resort to ending their life) for the smallest of challenges /failure that comes their way?

As a parent, the main challenge I face now is deciding between letting them watch movies and cartoons that are less damaging to their psyche and behaviour (because we discuss and dissect movies or cartoons that have questionable content to understand the intent behind it) than letting them watch news and ads (that are totally damaging and till now I have not been creative in coming up with plausible explanations for unacceptable behaviours in these) or completely avoid visual media and just read text books and story books to them instead of newspapers/magazines!

Most of our discussions now revolve around:

• how to recognise fake news from real news
• how to be sensitive and yet be assertive
• not be too quick to judge and be empathetic (importance of empathy cannot be stressed enough)
• Not to fall prey to stereotyping and to look deeper than the surface for meaningful character
• Being non-judgemental and accepting and accomodative of others' shortcomings and inabilities
• Be helpful when and where possible
• Not whine and be thankful for what we have and what we can do.

as these are the traits that are lacking in today’s visual media. Wish that the media would notice this and do the needful to impact the society positively and instill “Growth mindset” in the people involved in it and those that are being impacted by it.

Today's Media - A Boon or Bane?

Reach of Media today is global and diverse - be it Mass Media (Press, Print, Television, Radio...) or Social Media (e.g. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blogs..). The Community that plays a vital role in collating, and delivering news, information, ideas, opinions, through the Media, need to realise the fact that, what they put out there will remain (thanks to Digital), be (sp)read, inferred and acted upon by people from different countries, cultures, social backgrounds & age groups. Hence, the reported information should be factual, unbiased and/or needs to have an open mindset that can ignite healthy debates or discussions on varied topics. But, off late, it is quite depressing (and saddening) to read or see news, or follow posted information on networking sites, as everything gets "sensationalised" for no good reason. Anything and everything is presented with a gossip-like tone, without clear rationale or factual references. Adding to this, are some subscribers or followers, who dwell into such poorly-complied information and fight it out with a do-or-die fervour and make comments / judgements, without verifying the sanity of the source of information.

Some of you might relate this to "Echo Chamber" effect, rising the readers' "tunnel vision" or Upvoting (aligning to similar personal opinions) ideas or memes floated around, and in turn increase the popularity of such unverified information and "trending" them. This indeed promotes a "false" sense of opinions, against the stark truth of reality. Eventually, the involved parties are shocked to discover / digest true facts and go back to playing the "blame game" of finger-pointing rather than looking within or open to changing their personal views.

Today, everyone has easy access to voice out their opinions. If someone does not share the same view, it is becoming a norm to start using abusive language, to fuel rage and attract maximum "digital attention". During pre-Digital era, if such behaviour was displayed in public, most of them were looked down with utmost disgust. Even within the walls of one's own home, such unwarranted arguments were unwelcome by families. Today's growing fad is to lash it out though social media, wide open to the world, using expletives, with no guilt or sense of social responsibility. Such people forget the fact that ill-mannered behaviour will be etched for ever in the Digital realm, to be read by their future generations (including their own children and families).

How many of you can think of the last time, when the cover page of your newspaper had a positive news in its headline? While "sensational" news start to take centre-stage, most positive or pragmatic information (considered boring) are now are pushed to an inconspicuous corner. The most "trending" information on social media inadvertently tends to be news that promotes rage (e.g. War, Terror..), fake news, Gossips or dwells into private affairs of Civil Administrators or Celebrities. Most talk-shows and debates that are broadcast today on televisions & radios, promote sensationalising topics, rather than to focus on healthy & factual presentation of information. In some cases, the hosts, panellists or broadcasters are already affiliated to certain political or cult organisations, strongly fuelling such thoughts and spreading biased information. 

The freedom of anonymity that social media seems to give us, has made us forget the basic "etiquette" of sharing our opinions in public forums. All of us become news/gossip reporters, chain-cascaders and critiques, without understanding of the impact it can create. With the advanced tech gadgets and apps, it is very easy to "fabricate" information as an authentic one. Tons of such fabricated information being generated and circulated around every day makes me wonder about the quality of information accessible to our next generation and the impact it will have on their thought process and mind conditioning. Will they be able to "filter" out the junk and verify & absorb only the right information or will they soon be "corrupted" by the information overload around them and evolve into "shallow" citizens, with a restricted view? Does Big Data or Internet of Things (IoT) come to rescue? 

It seems to be a worldwide phenomenon, where people seem to ignore Mainstream (authentic & verified) media for news & research, while relying solely on Memes and other "forwarded" articles (It is ironical that sometimes even the mainstream media picks information from social media). Isn't mainstream media all about giving unbiased views without sensationalising them? Present only facts and leave the interpretation and polarisation to the readers and viewers? For example, during the Chennai floods in 2015, I kept surfing news channels in the hope to learn if things were okay with people of Chennai (as that was the only thing I could do staying abroad - Read my blog on my reflections on the same at My ordeal with Chennai rains as a Non-Resident Chennaite!). But there was not a TV channel or News website, that could give me this assurance and instead they were successful in instilling fear for the safety of my family showing devastation (with strong background music) on a continuous loop. Yes, nature had its devastation, but there was also humanity at work. There were thousands of humanitarians who came out to the streets to rescue and provide support. That was probably a few seconds of the screen time, while the dramatisation of the havoc and ruins, took up most of the prime time and headlines. It has been the same during recent Serbian War atrocities, hordes of Immigration to EU or terror incidents across Europe. If negativity is what sells, then how can we expect positive thoughts to prevail? Everyday heroes are not idealised as they remain invisible despite doing their social responsibility correctly. One such recent example being the people who worked for years together for lifting the ban on Jallikattu (Bull Wrestling) in Tamilnadu and who are still working towards the goal of saving native breeds all over the Indian nation), while on-screen heroes are demonised by media irrespective of what do (or don't).

Many celebrities have also raised similar concerns across the world, including Denzel Washington (a victim of fake news and appeals to the media to differentiate "Truth" and "Gossip"), Meryl Streeps (to do responsible reporting and be able to question the wrongful happenings, irrespective of the power equation of the perpetrators involved), Kamal Hassan (challenges the media to report facts to common man and then have them deliberate), Shahrukh Khan (calls out on the media's ability to twist every opinion uttered by famous personalities to suit their personal vendetta and TRP ratings) and the most recent one by Renuka Sahani.

We collectively fail to understand that it is always easy to be opinionated, when you do not have to "walk-the-path" that the person or groups about whom you are being opinionated or criticising. If we all start living the lives of the people whom we criticise, even for just 24 hours, before we are given the right to criticise, I am sure none of us will have anything better to add than what that person has to say. Let us be open to hearing alternate views, instead of shooting it down even before someone starts talking about it. Let us learn to "walk-the-path", before blindly criticising someone and to maintain decency, to challenge others' views politely, without hurting their sentiments.

It is our utmost responsibility to create this awareness to our today's generation, to help them filter such information and teach them to identify unbiased news & factual reports to help them channelise & articulate their opinions with an open mindset and encourage healthy debates with their families and friends, without being offended or making the others uncomfortable.

We still proudly make references to our classical texts like Avvaiyar's Aathichudi and Thiruvalluvar's Thirukkural, because they remain neutral to every facet of life or belief systems, and not biased. Don't we intend to leave behind such learning and experience sharing in the Media, for our future generations to cherish?