This is an event that happened a few years back when we were living outside India. Children were having their Spring break. My then 8 year old daughter and 4 yer old son, were busy with "pretend play" - their favourite filler game in those days.
This day the inspiration for their pretend
play, were their parents (Mommy & Daddy) - us. Here is a snippet from that
pretend play:
My daughter pretends to be her Daddy, puts on Daddy's coat, scarf, hat, and bag, ready to step out of the home for office. Seeing this my son wants to pretend play as well. Now that Daddy's role is taken, he decides to be Mommy. So he requests his sister to dress him up (which she dutifully does) with my coat, hat, and a grocery shopping bag.
A weekday conversation is enacted.
Daddy (my daughter): I am ready to leave
for office. Bye. See you in the evening.
Mommy (my son): Take care and have a nice
day.
Now for the weekend conversation that they
are privy to at home.
Mommy (my son dressed up as his mom): I am
leaving for shopping. Will be back soon.
A few seconds later, Mommy is back from
shopping.
Mommy: Look, how many fruits I have bought!
Daddy (My daughter dressed up as her father): Oh... Let me help you carry the
heavy bags. (Hands a glass of water) Sit down and rest. I will handle the
cooking and take of the kids.
I was grinning from ear to ear bursting with pride. If I need to still spell it out loud, here are the various stereotypes that we broke for them as parents:
- My children without batting an eyelid decided to enact the opposite gender's role in their pretend play. Okay, I can hear many of you say, this nothing great a girl always loves her father while the son's favourite is his mother.
- They enacted snippets where the traditional roles of shopping and cooking were interchangeably assumed by either of us. This breaks the idea that the kitchen is a woman's world while the cool outdoor shopping is a man's job (a stereotyped role that is still seen in some of the school and casual reading books for children).
- Serving water (drinks), hosting, and cooking is as much a man's job as it is a woman's.
- My daughter loves blue and my son loves purple. Black is a favourite for both of them. (might be a very simple thing but the point here is they do not go crazy about any colour being a boy or a girl colour. They understand that all colours can be for anyone and everyone!)
At an age when they can form deep
connections to what they see around them, we managed to give them these
lessons, which I am happy that we did.
My daughter is a middle schooler now while my son is in primary school. They do not conform to the traditional gender norms of the society. My son can equally enjoy Barbie and go crazy for the Avengers series, play Roblox and paint, sing and learn martial art, cry when upset and comfort when someone else is upset without having to so much as utter a word explaining why or how they are upset, be brave to stop his friends from doing things that don't feel right.
My daughter can gush over an anime teenage romance, get excited about How to train your Dragon Netflix Series, appreciate the confidence of Elsa, Anna & Merida, aspire to be like Mulan, and logically discuss about certain obvious loopholes in the screenplay of the movies that we watch as family including Harry Potter, Disney animation movies, Tamil movies starring Vijay, VJS, Rajini, Jothika, Nayanthara, Suriya & Karthi. She thinks Jothika is cool because of her recent movies like 36 Vayathinile, Jackpot, Raatchasi (her recent favourite - one that she watches almost every fortnight on Amazon Prime or is it Netflix - I forget) My son loves cooking and keeps asking to help when he can. Recently, I am almost always surprised by the level headed logical approach that my daughter takes to make decisions pertaining to her higher studies and extra-curricular activities. They are uncomfortable when they hear gender-specific statements (that are so normal in our society). Some examples of what kind of statements that make them uncomfortable are:
- Stitching is a girl activity. Fixing things are for boys. (My daughter says stitching is also a form of fixing, so shouldn't everyone learn it?)
- Cry like a girl - My son says that people cry when they are upset. Why only girls can cry and not boys. I also get hurt when my friends call me names and do not stop even after I tell them that it hurts.
I know they will grow up to be fine level headed adults who can impact this society positively by their way of life and the value systems they are now building for themselves!
I think it is time for gender-biased
(specific) roles to be replaced by gender-neutral roles and policies
everywhere. This will restore the respect each one deserves instead of the
shame that seems to associated with certain natural behaviours, emotions and
roles.
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