Obstacle or Challenge?

When faced with a problem, the instinctive notion is to look at it as an obstacle. Very few people have the courage to look at it as a challenge. This is despite the complexity/simplicity of the problem that faces them. One such person who saw every obstacle in his life as a challenge to overcome is Stephen Hawking. His life itself is an inspiration (I am sure to many) for me. When diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) he focused all his energy into doing what he loved doing the best which was to keep going, and went on to do quite a lot. His contributions speak volumes about the person that he was. To smile while living with ALS, having to depend on someone to do even something as basic as getting out of his bed in the morning, is something that should teach us all to be appreciative of the comfortable life that we are all blessed with and be thankful for it. 

Hawking compared black holes to depression, making it clear that neither the black holes or depression are impossible to escape. "...black holes ain’t as black as they are painted. They are not the eternal prisons they were once thought. Things can get out of a black hole both on the outside and possibly to another universe. So if you feel you are in a black hole, don’t give up; there’s a way out,” he said.[1]

On the day Stephen Hawking’s passing away was known to the world, my daughter, 10 yrs old, came back from school and we discussed about what they did that day in school. Of course, the school had discussions and activities centering around Stephen Hawking and his work. I happened to be reading the article on his message on depression and we both came across the quote he had made:

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. If you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don’t throw it away.”

“Mom, what does that mean? I remember reading another quote which says ‘Reach for the stars, you will at least land up in the moon’. Do both signify the same thing?”

“Not really. The one about reaching to the stars means, aim as high as possible. Even if you fail to reach your target and fall short, you will still fall at a much higher level than where you started. The one made my Hawkings has more to the quote than just aiming high”.

“So what does it mean?”

“Just defining the words that makes the sentence, it means that do not look down on the floor and below your eye level, rise your head high and look up into the sky and be curious about stars and beyond. Now if we go deeper and try to interpret it in the context (of depression), then he means to say that you should not crib about the problems and obstacles that you face in your life but always be eager to know more about life and the reason for our existence and turn every obstacle into a challenge to be overcome; like the tree stump that grew around the fence (obstacle in its growth path) that we saw on our way to your school. Be curious about everything but safely. Love what you do - the work that you do whatever it might be - as the work you do gives you a reason for the life that you live and without it there is nothing. Lastly, be thankful for being surrounded by loved ones who are willing and able to help you in your time of need.”

“So very true Mom. We should not be mean to ourselves by always being sad. We should try to not be rude to others and be willing to help them out whenever they need help. How difficult it must have been for him but he still did so much.”

Being able to inspire children with the life he lived, I think, is one big achievement as it helps shape the next generation that is going to take over the world. Nudging them in the right direction with the right attitude is a job well done. I am thankful to him for enabling me to have this conversation with my daughter and instill the quality of “Never giving up” by quoting his life itself as an example. He was and still is an influencer because of all that he accomplished not just in his professional life but also due to his attitude to want to ‘keep going on’ by looking at every obstacle/problem in life as a challenge to overcome and make a positive and meaningful contribution to the world that we live in.

Hello Dear Zindagi!

After watching the entire movie, my 9-yr old daughter asked, "Is this the end of the movie?" 

B: "Yes. That's the end." 

M: "That's amazing Appa (father in my mother tongue). No love or lived happily ever after?"

Now, I join the conversation between father and daughter to make a point - "There is happily ever after Dear. Why do you ask so?"

M: "No boy-girl love, senseless pursuit and then struggle, no kissing on the lips (ewwwwwwwww - her expression) and then finally happily ever after?"

That was the discussion at the end of the movie in addition to many more such Q & A session during the course of the movie. The parent in me felt really happy that I do not have to explain (read having to justify against my sense of better judgement, just so that she does not get scared of the big bad world out there) to my child that some of the scenarios that are portrayed in the movie does not necessarily happen in real life (mind voice cynically saying, "Really??" at the exact same instance).

For the first time, watching a movie with a fast-growing-up toddler moving towards her teens, was not a stress but a pleasure. Thanks to Gauri Shinde for another wonderful movie, that was a pleasure to watch with the entire family. It is a movie that we could relate to with our everyday problems in modern context. Personally, I felt that the movie beautifully conveyed a lot of important things that are so much the need of the hour and also, it does the job of a "counsellor" pretty well and costs way less than what one would spend to get themselves treated by a DD "Dhimag ka Doctor" (as the movie calls the psychologist). 

Dialogues like:

1. "Do you go to a DD because you want to tell the world that you are gay?" "No, I go to DD because I want to tell myself that I am gay."

2. "Why should you have to choose the tough path to reach for your most important dream and why not take the easy route if you are not even ready to navigate the tough route that lays ahead of you?" - a wise suggestion for anyone facing a dilemma in life (which is ever existing is everyone's life irrespective of the age or role).

3. "Who are these people that keep following you around who get to decide what is right and what is wrong about the choices in your life?"

4. "When you are comfortable with what you want from life and accept who you are now, then why worry about what others would think?"

5. "Don't let your past blackmail your present to ruin your beautiful future"

6. "Think of your parents are normal people and then look at their actions"

are learning that each of us need in our lives to move forward and embrace the present and welcome the beautiful future that can come tomorrow. Dreading what the future will hold, is a sign that we have let our failures or disappointments from the past to take over our present and hence our future to be scary.

To write one post about the greatness of this movie is not enough. Looking at the movie from various perspectives only makes me in awe of the director's finesse to have handled the concept and importance of Psychotherapy, the taboo attached to getting help for emotional stress one faces in their life, the emotional baggage all of us carry around with us trying to compare us with the unrealistic expectation (which is also probably a self interpretation of what the society wants from us), the misguided mindset of wanting to credit someone other than the one deserving of credit alone to their success in life, attributing personality and status to the dress code and conduct (I can go on and lose track of what I wanted to say when I started the statement). 

The part where Kaira (played by Alia Bhatt) opens up about that one instance that created a fear in her mind which has ruled over her entire life up until that point was well captured. To define what is that one thing that pushes you into the disruptive cycle of depression and fear is a very difficult thing and to bring it on a screen using imagination is even tougher. But the writer, and the actors both have done a phenomenal job. Also, the point where Kaira and Dr.Jug (played by King Khan) part during their last session, is also a brilliant portrayal of reality. This particular concept has been talked about in many movies both in Bollywood and Hollywood in varied levels fo elaboration right from a passing comment in speed "I have to warn you. I've heard relationships based on intense experiences never work." to the Kiss that the teacher gives to the blind girl in movie "Black". This movie has dealt it with openly talking about it and saying it is okay to have such strong feelings towards someone who has emotionally or physically helped you, but equally reciprocating might not be possible or even if a similar reaction is existing from the other person involved also, it may not always be ethically right and/or have a detrimental effect on the emotional progress and then bid adieu and part as just a therapist and patient to go about their separate ways.

The movie ended on another great message about how you just need to fight the battle outside yourself and not within, only then will you be able to achieve your dreams in their fullest glory. This was not the only strong message. When Kaira's uncle (or father) tells Raghuvendra (played by Kunal Kapoor) that she achieved her dream because of him coming into her life for which Raghuvendra pauses a couple of seconds, and then says "She did what she did only because I was NOT part of her life" and raises a toast to it, then both Kaira's father and his uncle tend to agree reluctantly. 

This is one movie, I would probably be buying a personal copy to keep to myself. After movie "Salangai Oli", this is one movie, I am sure I am going to be seeing in repetitions and never get tired of watching even after the point where I can narrate the dialogues by heart. 

#DearZindagi