2022 - The Year That Went By

As we are gearing up to welcome 2023, many of us are eagerly making resolutions for the year that is yet to come, while some are looking back at the year that has gone by. As always, I decided to do the latter and this time, like in 2019, 2020, & 2021 (images below), I decided to record it here for me to be able to revisit it anytime in the future! 😃

We welcomed the year 2022 with my daughter making a premonition kind of statement, ‘Amma the coming year is 2022. 22 is 2 times 11. I just hope the year does not end up being 2 times the year 2011. Fingers crossed.’

My first reaction was horror because 2011 was one of the toughest until 2022 came to be. 😊That was the year when I was pregnant with my second-born son, dealing with the palliative care for my Father-in-law (FIL) in his final stages of cancer, playing the host for my sister-in-law during her laparoscopic surgery & recovery, Grihapravesam (calling it house warming kind of simplifies the concept as well the work involved in organising it), passing of my FIL, birth of my son, my post-partum, a beginning of the undoing of a marital relationship of a close family member, being a witness when the family was grieving that loss of its head (my FIL), moving into our new owned home. Did you also take a deep breath like I did when I finished typing this recap? 

Now to a rundown of the year 2022… It began with our family being affected with COVID in Jan 2022, when India was having its third wave, including my pregnant sibling who did an international travel in the hope to be with family to handle her pregnancy and delivery in India rather than staying in a foreign country, all by herself (with just her spouse for support). I joined Lurnable (a digital EdTech firm) as Operations Manager. I became a facilitator of the programme #IamRemarkable (a Google Initiative) and have also conducted two workshops this year. We had a scare in April for a really pre-mature labour that might have been critical for the child for sure, and to the mother (mentally and emotionally). We had a few hospitalisations for my Mom, Sister & her Spouse, and my Aunt. Health-related issues that come and go for our ageing parents. Loss of lives – 2 within the family and one a child (less than 15 yrs old) who was a close buddy of my son in our gated community, a beautiful soul who always stood up against playground bullies (for my son) and had deep conversations on the concepts of care, right & wrong, integrity and more. Of course, my niece was an addition to the family as a healthy child who decided to stay full term after the initial scare, sharing the same star sign as my son. They both bonded instantly and every time they are together, the mutual love and adoration is a pleasure to watch.

I became a homeowner. I wrote my first semester exams for my M.Sc Counselling Psychology (2 year Masters course) that I am currently pursuing. I published an e-book on Blogchatter and have been roped in on another authoring project by Let’s Author to collaborate with a few more authors for the book ‘How to Parent in a Crazy World – Life Lessons on New Age Parenting’ to be published sometime next year (Click the link to pre-order the book). Amidst all this, we transitioned from a pandemic lifestyle to a post-pandemic new normal (whatever that means)… and the craziness has not ended yet. 

And in all this, I also managed to hold on to my reading. Thanks to Blogchatter’s TBR Challenge, this year I tracked the books that I read (which probably only covers 50% of what I read). Another big sigh…

While this year probably looked twice the challenge of the year 2011, it has been a mixed bag, which can be said about almost any year that comes and goes. I resonate very strongly with the Yin-Yang symbolism, a philosophical concept that describes opposite but interconnected forces. While the literature on Yin-Yang philosophies & interpretations is available in abundance, my simplified explanation for this is in the lines of the dialogue from Alavandhan Movie ‘Kadavul Paadhi Mirugam Paadhi kalandhu seidha kalavai naan’ (crudely translated – I am the perfect mix of God & Animal/Devil). The deeper meaning that I infer is that there is no absolute good or absolute bad in this world. There is a little bit of good in bad and a little bit of bad in good and these two exist in perfect balance for the whole to be complete. Here the good and bad can be represented in black or white colour, and the symbolism stays intact.

In this exercise of looking back at the year gone by, which I have been doing since 2019, I have come to understand that every year brings with it a mixed bag of experiences – a few successes, a few misses/loses, loads of learnings from both to take away for the years to come, wonderful experiences that enrich our life by becoming stories & narratives to tell and take forward. I am filled with gratitude and pride. Gratitude for the learnings and achievements, pride at surviving the year. I think I am going to hold on to this practice of looking back at the year that has gone by just so that I practice self-love and self-appreciation which in turn positively impacts self-image and self-confidence by increasing self-awareness. What better way to enrich our mental wellness than this. 😊

I am not the type to make resolutions, but I guess the practice of looking back at the year that has passed, that I began in 2019, is a resolution that happened on its own accord and will probably stay for years to come. Will be happy to hear your retrospective of 2022 in the “comment” section.

Wishing you all a very happy new year 2023 to come, and along with it a lot of personal/professional growth & development also. 

 

This post also wraps up the #TBRChallenge by Blogchatter for the year 2022. I'm participating in the #TBRChallenge by Blogchatter

A Potpourri of Drabble by Harshita Nanda

I was hearing the word Drabble for the first time. I am a fan of the way Harshita spins her stories, full of emotions, twists and turns, and social messages. It was a no brainer that this would be on my reading list. I had the time of my life reading through the 100 drabbles that are part of her book aptly named A Potpourri of Drabble. 

This collection of drabble brings with it a potpourri of stories filled with social message, highlighting the social conundrum, hypocrisy, irony, manipulation, love in all its form and more. In 100 words she spins a beautiful picture not just about the characters, but also their background, emotions, the event that is unfolding and, in some cases, even the back story. While the stories themselves are complete, it also leaves you wanting to read more about the incidents of the characters who appear in the drabble. 

Cover page of A Potpourri of Drabble by Harshita Nanda

The story titled Kitchen was most gut wrenching and highlights one of the most sinister issues in many homes, yet the least discussed societal evil. While awareness is quite high about what constitutes domestic violence many do not understand how to deal with the issue when it unfolds right up close to them – in their neighbourhood, friends’ homes, within family relations or even inside one’s own home. Understanding the various layers and kinds of domestic abuse/violence and knowing how to address them for self and others is a high time necessity. With just 100 words, Harshita not only spun the story, she also was able to express the trauma that Sheela endured due this societal evil. 

The closest to my heart is The Hidden Power. It highlights the power of Humanity above all. If that is alive, then there is a meaning to our lives on this planet. 

The Red Nail Polish was another one of my favourites, that brought out the importance of guilt free self-indulgence and the humaneness of inclusivity in extending the same courtesy to those who make our lives easier every day. 

The Messy Room brought out the ugly facet of our lives that differentiates based on social status. It was soul stirring to read this reality that is still very much existent even in today’s times. 

In Malini from Who Is Saner?, I saw a bit of myself. To know what I mean, do read this story and then my blog on My Volunteering Journey.

I just could not help but smile when I read A Bowl Full of Gulab Jamuns, remembering my younger days when I used to feel similar urge when I saw a Boondhi Laddoo. Now I would like to think I have a little more control or at least learnt to regulate that urge.

The last few stories that were inspired from the happenings of the 2 years of pandemic life were hard to ignore. The most soul ripping one was Time was Running out. How many families went through similar realities during those two years of lockdown lifestyle enduring hardships that we never thought could be possible. Many lives lost, affected, and damaged beyond repair. A time when many of us felt trapped and stifled inside our homes yet itched to do something to lessen these traumatic experiences of complete strangers, through our network, writing, or any other means. Glimpses of humanitarian efforts gave us hope that the fire of humanity is still burning.

Do download Harshita Nanda's A Potpourri of Drabble, published as part of the Blogchatter's Ebook carnival at - https://www.theblogchatter.com/download/a-potpourri-of-drabble-by-harshita-nanda and give it a read. You might find your own favourites and relate to a few stories as your own too. 

You can also download my book - Free Rein to Thoughts – a collection of quotes & shorts highlighting the colours and patterns of life at - https://www.theblogchatter.com/download/free-rein-to-thoughts-by-aarthi-prabhakaran

This blog is part of the #BlogchatterEbook carnival & #TBRChallenge

Memories of my Father by Jayanthi K Manikandan

The bond of a father daughter bond is such a beautiful bond of understanding, protection, hero worship and more, that we all have heard, read, and seen in multiple movies in almost every language. This is a universal affection and bond that brings a warm feeling within us that almost always results in a spontaneous 'Awwwww' from our mouths. If our father was close by, then an unconscious hug, or at least a physical touch is inevitable in those instances. 

Jayanthi K Manikandan’s Memories of my Father is a loving memoire that gives us glimpses of this beautiful bonding between a father and daughter (in addition to insights about her father itself), during her growing up years, as well as her adulthood, the various phases that this relationship goes through and the myriad of changes that happen as the child grows and starts having a mind of her own.

Cover Page of Memories of my Father by Jayanthi K Manikandan

As I was reading through the memoire, I saw a lot of similarities in the life of the author and mine that I could relate to, specifically with respect to the changes that come due to the father’s job, the family structure, and the culture in which she and her father have grown up and more. Through every chapter about her father, I was able to see the admiration that the little girl had for her father, the hero worship that is such a normal part of a girl child's image about her father. Girls are blamed for expecting their father (a version of him at least) in their spouses. This is true to a large extent because they feel well protected and cared for within the loving embrace of their father. This protective shield of care, pride, and trust in them and their abilities is what women seek in their life partner, but many a times are left earning for it. 

I was thrilled to read the name of the place called Virudhunagar, a place that is as much a part of me as Chennai, Lalapet, Lyon, Groton, Harrow, and Alexandria are. Virudhunagar is a small town to the south of Madurai. Though a business town, not many people are even aware of its existence. 

As the chapters move on, I saw the happenings that was common in almost every home, in the state of Tamilnadu. Culturally, the entire state wasn’t so different in what each family wanted for their children and their wellbeing, and how they implemented and executed these visions and ambitions by supporting, guiding, nudging, and paving the way for their children. 

In Jayanthi, I saw every child who had multiple dreams during their growing up phase that came nothing close to the path they chose for themselves (or in many cases their families chose on their behalf) with respect to their studies and career. I saw bits and pieces of my grandfather, my father, father-in-law, and every other father figure I have seen while growing up, in the various habits, incidents and events that Jayanthi narrates. 

Reading the Memories of my Father was mixed bag feeling for me, especially considering the formal relationship that I had with my late father.  

One small thing that bothered me while reading the book for the formatting of text, which probably is an occupational hazard as a documentalist & facilitator, writing and reviewing multiple documents and presentations as part of my job role. In many sections I found myself automatically trying to place the cursor and remove the additional line spacing or the indent that was a bit out of place. 

You can download Jayanthi K Manikandan's Memories of my Father, published as part of the Blogchatter's Ebook carnival at - https://www.theblogchatter.com/download/memories-of-my-father-by-jayanthi-manikandan

My book - Free Rein to Thoughts - is also part of this Ebook carnival. 

This blog is part of the #BlogchatterEbook carnival & #TBRChallenge

Humpty Dumpty's 10 Hats by Tomichan Matheikal

The title of the book and the cover page were what intrigued me a lot to start reading the book of short stories. Humpty dumpty is a nursery rhyme character that I always felt bad for, as a child. Even today, when I hear (or see) the rhyme, it makes me wonder why the illustration of Humpty Dumpty was egg like? This visual representation painted by the rhyme gives a very gory image of the person – Humpty Dumpty - as the progresses. The phrase 10 Hats… though Humpty Dumpty also wore a hat in the illustrations, this brought the image of the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit, from Alice in Wonderland – probably the result of the cover image where a woman is walking towards a grand archway that looked like a gateway into another world…. Rightly so. 

Cover page of Humpty Dumpty's 10 Hats by Tomichan Matheikal

The 10 short stories transported me into a different world than my home, through its narration. It elicited a rainbow of emotions, feelings of fear, smile, laughter, awe, affection, love and more. While this was for the words that one reads, each story has layers to them highlighting the societal hypocrisy, duality, reality in each of the events that unfold. The people in the short stories feel like they were one among us, our family, friends, neighbours, conmen, godmen, and leaders whom we might know, and probably also met in our real life, who think like us, and sometimes we might probably also see a reflection of ourselves in one or more of the characters from these stories. Some we might accept while some we might be against. It was pleasure to read names that I have been used to hearing from my everyday life, experience the beauty (and eeriness of) locations that I have visited with family and friends during my school excursions and family vacations, all over again.

My favourite story from the 10 short stories was Phantoms on a Desert. I loved the way in which it brought out the uncanny similarities of emotions, needs, and behaviours of two people who were poles apart even with respect to their gender (among other things), which highlights the stark reality of life, that underneath all those layers of exhibitionism, barriers & boundaries, wants & needs, likes & dislike, at our core, we all are one and the same, especially when we are at the safety and security needs level in Maslow’s theory of hierarchy. The other reason why I loved this short story was the coinage of the words Musanghies & Kirshangies. This is the first time I am hearing these words and the explanation for them had me in splits, pulling me completely out of the fear/horror that I was still experiencing after reading the first two stories (just before retiring for the night). 

After a long while, I was motivated to read through a book, without wanting to break away from it for any reason. It was an absolute pleasure to read the narrative style of the fiction stories that brought out political, societal, and communal lack of standards, the mind and it’s complex working, the beautiful shades of people that we come across in our everyday life – good, bad, ugly and the myriad of other variations across these three. 

I would surely go back to these short stories more than once, and maybe it might also become a bedtime read that I would read with my children too whenever that happens (now that they are older and overlap time for bedtime reads have considerably reduced).

This e-book, Humpty Dumpty's 10 Hats, has been published as part of the #BlogchatterEbook carnival 2022 and can be downloaded at - https://www.theblogchatter.com/download/humpty-dumptys-10-hats-by-tomichan-matheikal 

My book - Free Rein to Thoughts - is also part of this Ebook carnival. 

This blog is part of the #BlogchatterEbook carnival & #TBRChallenge

Is your Family a Potato or a Banyan?

In the past couple of years, the pandemic lifestyle has removed the private space for adults to have discussions that may become heated, especially when the discussions are about logistics of planning family gatherings, vacations/trips, and functions. Living with each other 24 x 7 with little or no possibility of stepping out of the home for change of environment or company, kind of made us bicker at each other (even heightening the ‘sibling discord’ moving it to a slightly unhealthy level of displeasure) till, we finally realised that mixing a healthy dose of humour into our everyday lives would help.

There were two incidents in the recent months that happened I would like to share with you and hope that there is something you will also be able to take away from these anecdotes for your life and your sanity.

During one such planning discussion that happened on a day when my first born decided to take an off from regular school that resumed recently, I made a statement to move into a different room so spare her the trauma of the two of us arguing.

Illustration by @mizumika

My first born (M) remarked, ‘How strongly grounded our family is!’

My spouse (B) said, ‘Grounded and rounded like potato.’

‘No Appa, well grounded and rooted like the banyan’

‘Potato is found under the soil’ said B, and I chipped in, ‘it is tasty, starchy and hence can replace the main staple food of our household, which was rice.’

B continued, ‘It also is representative of what we as a race have become, couch potatoes, enjoying stuff that keeps us constantly in a sitting posture. It can also wither wildfires and storms, unlike a banyan.’

‘We talk so much about how we are like potato but none of us here eat or like mashed potato.’ retorted M.

‘I love it’, in unison chimed I and B, and I continued, ‘While we love potato, in almost all forms of it, we also need to know that eating too much of it would make us feel stuffed and result in farting’.

M, ‘WOW! I am sure no other family would have equated a family staying grounded and connected, to a potato. I was thinking of a banyan tree, when I mentioned our family is strongly grounded, with so many roots that it will not be disturbed or harmed in any kind of storm. Only our family could think so off the charts and bring up a potato and in the context of our family deeply under the ground grounded... like at least 4-6 ft pit in the ground deep… like the other day when Appa went out, and R absent mindedly kept calling out for him, adding to our streak of breaking stereotypes as a family.’

Now B wanted to know what we were talking about. So here is the second incident.

A couple of weeks ago, B stepped out on a weekend morning to run some errands that kept him out for a while. My son (R) hates silence and being alone. He constantly needs company, and his mouth will always be on speaking mode to the one who is sitting beside. This constant conversation drains me out as I need my silence to rebound. My spouse has mastered the art of responding without really listening and not making it too obvious to anyone else but me. In my case, I wouldn’t blame him for getting caught in the act of phasing out, it probably is me who catches it almost immediately. :-D

So that day, B got ready and before stepping out he told R that he will come for lunch at 2 p.m. and that by then R was supposed to finish his classwork and homework from the previous week that were still pending – result of the adjustment period of going back to regular mode of school after 2+ yrs of online school. B left saying bye to everyone personally. R was sitting at his desk upstairs in our duplex home.

For almost 5 minutes, every few seconds, he kept calling out for his father ‘Appa, Appa,…’

The first couple of times I and M tried telling him that Appa had gone out and will be back only at 2 p.m. At one point we both could not stop our laughter at his cuteness, and he felt that we were laughing at him. So, I called him down, gave him a bear hug first and said, ‘We are not laughing at you chellam. We are admiring your cuteness.’

This calmed him a bit. I and M took turns explaining, ‘We also are laughing at how our family has added one more aspect to the streak of breaking stereotypes as a family with this. In most homes, the child almost always calls out to the mom, Amma, Amma, but only in our home the sound we hear is for the father. And when you call out for Appa you sound very cute.’

He joined us in our laughter happily.

A family that laughs together produces enough endorphins that help in strengthening the relationship bonds, in addition to contributing towards personal wellness. Even the most difficult conversations are made easy with humour. I really do hope some day the stereotypes vanish from the face of earth because then there would be more families that embrace the concept of ignoring stereotypes and does only what work for the family.

This blog is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter challenge, #MentalHealth, #Discrimination.

'The Miracle is us… All of us..' Encanto – Movie Review

Encanto seems to be a raving success, especially among the 6 – 15-year-old for sure. Read on to know why it could be so.

I am also seeing many schools and organisations picking and choosing the characters of this movie and coming up with Escape Rooms, debate and discussion topics in schools and children study groups (outside schools too). Now that I have shared a link, I think a couple of disclaimers are also necessary to be cleared in the get go:

• This is not a sponsored / paid promotional post either for Disney, Encanto or for the other service organisations that get mentioned or linked here.
• The opinions in this blog are mine based on my perspective about the movie and it may or may not be matching those of the makers and researchers of the movie.
• Spoiler Alert: The blog may reveal more about the movie and its nuances, so if you would like to come back to this blog after watching the movie, I would recommend you save this blog for later reading, and go and watch the movie first – in which ever language you understand and are comfortable to watch it in.

Family of Madrigal

Let us take the song at the start of the movie, which is about the Family of Madrigal (The Family Madrigal). The Madrigal Family is bestowed upon by a miracle, when Pedro, Alma Madrigal’s (abuela) husband, is killed during the armed attack on their village. This miracle helps the rest of the survivors hide (after blasting the attackers) in the form of a charmed hidden place called Encanto surrounded by the mountains of Columbia, and a magical candle that keeps the magic alive and ensures the protection of the people who survived this armed attack. 

I personally loved the song and was waiting eagerly till the end of the song only to realise that the family and entire village did not know what Mirabel’s gift was. I thought her gift was being able to understand the miraculous Madrigal House itself, in the way the song was picturised. By the end of the song, she would have introduced every member of her family and their unique yet prized gifts that they were blessed upon, in their childhood. The ending of the song showed how the family, or the village was oblivious to an obvious gift only because they could not see the magic that Mirabel was capable of, because it did not fit the norm that was expected by the mass. 

‘Each new Generation MUST keep the miracle burning’ – The word MUST shows the implicit expectation and the possible pressure that this expectation can have on all the family members of Madrigal, especially when Mirabel’s gift seemed to have skipped (but in reality, it wasn’t just what the family and the town people expected. Her gift was part of what we know to be an intangible skill). In fact, I thought Mirabel had more than one gift in the song itself – compassion, empathy, and ability to understand everyone and everything around her – all intangible skills that probably can’t be measured in any traditional sense. 

When Mirabel is ready to go home and a small girl with flower in her plaited hair, asks her ‘What is your gift?’, first I saw a representation of women and girls from my country who wear flowers in the exact same manner and was pleasantly surprised. Kudos to Disney for bringing in narratives that were representative of the many different people and cultures in the world. This one family had many different shades of skin too in the family members and hair types as well, which is again a huge shift from the stereotypical white representative characterisation of even (South) Asian characters like Jasmine and Mulan. 

The end of the song where Mirabel struggles to get out from the incessant questions of the children about her gift because she was made to believe that she did not have one, because the family did not understand what her gift really was when she received it, shows the real pain that every person who is different from the majority goes through in family or in any kind of team/group, even in a work situation. The typical way of her cousin blurting out that Mirabel did not get one and the obvious shock registered on the children’s faces and the sense of disappointment and shame at self for failing such an extraordinary family of gifted individuals, is the best representation of what many of us probably go through in real life (a version of imposter syndrome), until they are able to accept themselves for who they are (albeit different from the rest, yet special) and celebrate their uniqueness before the rest of the world can see it for themselves.

Waiting on a Miracle: This very next song that follows The Family Madrigal song, tugged at my heart strings mainly because of the emotions that it invoked with the picturisation of the Mirabel’s longing to be accepted as being worthy of this family of gifted individuals, the characterisation of the family and subtle undercurrent that was established by then, by most family members who thought Mirabel was a sign of doom or mediocrity. 

Pressure of Perfection & Social Emotional Learning (SEL)

Mirabels’s sisters Luisa (the strong one) and Isabela (the symbol of perfection) express their anxiety and stress stemming from the fear of failure. Luisa sings about her anxiety due to the failure affecting her strength (her miracle gift). She would like to have a break from shouldering the weight of expectation of always exhibiting strength and progress and have some time to deal with herself and her self-doubts. On the same note, Isabela brings a point of view of having to stick to only a few of the things that she can do because she is expected to be perfect in what she creates using her magic. She longs to want to try to see what more she can possibly create with her gift and her experimental efforts yield a beautiful outcome. Yet, it angers their abuela, who reprimands Mirabel implying that her involvement might negatively impact the magic of gifts (and fearing that it might probably even weaken the magic’s strength) bestowed upon their family and the protection it provides to their village. 

“The elephant in the room” suffering from this pressure of perfection is Mirabel’s uncle, Bruno. The story unfolds showing that the family shuns Bruno because of his gift of precognition (reminded me of the Minority Report and the precogs from the movie). This skill again is stunted because of the pressure of perfection that is expected from Mirabel’s abuela (who is probably driven by her fear), as stated by Bruno. He is never good enough is the idea that seems to have been deeply personalised by him, due to which he decides to stay hidden from the family, by living in the spaces between the walls of the magical house. He also thinks that the family and the village only expect him to have positive visions, and when he has an incomplete vision or a not to great vision, he gets anxious about performance issues. When Mirabel also pushes him to show her the complete vision that he had about her, he visualises Mirabel needing to embrace a young woman (assumed to be Isabela) and embrace the relationship with its flaws and the person itself for who she is (strengths and vulnerabilities intact). 

The movie does go on to unfold a different plot, which is great to watch and understand the bigger picture, stressing the importance of SEL in understanding self and the others as well, in the family or in the context of any relationship in our lives. It also brings up the issue of how trauma of early years can impact the perceptions and life decisions of an individual, and how essential it is to embrace ourselves with our abilities and vulnerabilities as well and know when to ask family/friends for support. 

Many of these are feelings and emotions that the children between the age group of 6 & 15 go through due to the pressure of expectation from family, carers, educators, and well-wishers. While we all mean well, somewhere we need to keep a check on what drives our care and expectations and make sure it is not our unfounded fear that drives our expectations/actions, as we might run the risk of making the children feel suffocated with our care.

Diversity, Representation & Inclusion

For the first time, I have been ecstatic seeing so many different characters with different physical features, including the type of hair, the placement of flowers on the hair, the accessories worn, the colour & texture of the hair with differences that is representative of the real people’s physical features and cultural accessories that are used. A story that revolves around real life incidents (and not some fairy tale) that are very relatable, even when one may not know the historical event that probably inspired the story line. 

Mirabel looks like my friend from my school days, and this is a feeling not just for me, even my daughter feels that maybe because the character’s design is like an everyday person you come across in your life (not a larger-than-life princess). The small girl with the flower in her plaited hair reminded me of my cousins and myself in our childhood when we had that long a hair, which was oiled and plaited, and flowers adorned them (if not daily at least once a week). The entire family of Madrigal and its members are like any of our (extended) families. In India till recently, joint families that large lived under the same roof. I grew up in one such family! 

At the end of the movie, the entire family accepts everyone as they are, is understanding of their vulnerabilities and embraces them with these vulnerabilities… And the song ‘All of You’ is a treasure to listen, summarising all the learnings of every character in the movie, for us to take along with us when we walk out of the movie. Here is the portion from that song that I love the most:

But the stars don't shine, they burn

And the constellations shift

I think it's time you learn

You're more than just your gift

And I'm sorry I held on too tight

Just so afraid I'd lose you too

The miracle is not some magic that you've got

The miracle is you, not some gift, just you

The miracle is you

All of you, all of you

(Credits - Encanto, Disney)

Let us all take this with us always to be remembered, ‘the miracle is us, all of us’ and make this our guiding thoughts for every action of ours, including building and nurturing relationships (personal or professional). This is one movie (of a few of the more recent movies that focuses on the cultural diversity, equity & inclusion in addition to relatability, like Coco – maybe a review of that soon 😉) I would recommend that each one of us see and show to our young ones and have discussions around the various characters, their stories, their issues and how could that be overcome if this was something that we knew was a personal problem for any of our family members or friends. 

This blog is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter challenge, #MentalHealth, #Discrimination.

Pandemic and Family Wellbeing

Last year, 2021, I signed up for #CauseAChatter, when I was told by Team Blogchatter that most of my blogs submitted under blogrolls qualify for the same. I stuck with the programme all through the year. Come 2022, January brought with it some great changes and some not so great ones as well. The first great thing was the certificate for being part of the CauseAChatter for 2021.

I have been offered a job in a start-up overseeing their HR operations, which is a huge thing for someone who has had a very non-traditional career path. I also decided that I wanted to pursue Masters (Post Graduation) now, 2+ decades after I completed my undergraduate studies. I was really hoping that the COVID situation will ease out with some semblance of normalcy returning into our lives.

Unfortunately, Omicron seemed to have a different idea altogether. Slowly cases are rising which has brought online schools back in full force. Even the glimmer hope that a form asking parental consent on sending older children to regular offline school just got squashed. 2+ years of online school, work from home (WFH) alternating between with and without domestic help, based on the circumstances, have had their toll on my mental health.

I was curious to know if I was the only one facing burnout and talked to some friends and found that many were going through a similar phase. It got me thinking. Here are some things that I deduced from my discussions with peers and friends on what contributes to this burnout:

• Stunted Social Life: Restricted movements and the social distancing protocols of COVID appropriate behaviour leaves us all stuck indoors with just our family, and a few friends/neighbours who live close by our place. This is even more so when we are not in a financially privileged position to hire a private transport from our place to someone else’s place far from home.
• Stunted Vacations: Vacations are the time to unwind. Irrespective of ones’ financial prowess, we would have one family vacation at least every 2 years away from our place of residence to enjoy the few days of change of routines or the lack of it, excitement of exploring a new place (small village or huge city), or just a change of scenery to break the monotony of life. Unfortunately, this hasn’t been possible for obvious reasons.
• Virtual Workplaces: While there are benefits of virtual workspaces that help in keeping the continuity of work and by extension, business, and economics, it is still not an option for all. Also, the virtual workspace, I think is stunted as well, especially with respect to human interactions as it lacks the decorum that an actual workplace can provide.
• Stunted Learning for Children: Children thrive with social interactions that involve all their senses. Online learning has them glued to the screens and a chair with no friend close by to snicker or bicker. The attention span that was already very low, to begin with has become almost negligible due to the monotony of the online classrooms.
• Lack of personal time and space for primary care givers: For homemakers like me who hustle between homemaker and consultant/businesswomen at our convenience (read when the rest of the family is out and about, away from home), the pandemic lifestyle has been the toughest, catering to the demands of the family bringing order among the chaos that COVID brought into the daily routines by completely throwing it off track. Despite the repeated reassurance given by experts that the pandemic will soon move into the endemic mode, the light at the end of the tunnel is still not visible, especially considering the lack of change in human behaviour that is exhibited by leaders and common people alike.

Usually, when I write, I like to make sure that I also give a few pointers on how to address the issue at hand. While I do know I can give some, for the above-stated problem too, I am not sure they are enough to address the problem of burnout that people like me (Indian women, who are the unopposed primary caregivers with no choice to play the role of a secondary caregiver) are going through. And this burnout is not restricted to just people like me. It has affected every individual irrespective of age, gender, economic status and other such associated identifiers. The online space is also not safe enough to discuss our issues and vulnerabilities without a troll or a few dropping in and adding to our already overflowing basket of woes. With such a bleak picture, a deep sigh escapes me more often than usual and I find myself wishing fervently for the end to be near, for everyone's sake.

The need for safe spaces for everyone to be able to share their vulnerabilities, pain points, and frustrations has become a priority. Unfortunately, as a race, we humans have still, not even taken the first step to understanding ourselves and the biases that drive our behaviours and life choices. We are a long way from creating such safe spaces for healthy sharing and the probable start of beneficial discussions that can initiate a change.

I believe that miracles are a result of small intentional actions that would eventually drive a tsunami-like shift in our behavioural patterns, that feels like a miracle. Let us all together pledge to do our share of small intentional actions such as being self-aware, observing what is happening around us, and acting when we see someone in need of a break at least when they ask for it, shifting our focus from excellence to consistent progress (even is student performance – as parents and educators), and more.

Do share your thoughts on what other small intentional actions can bring about the tsunami-like wave that looks like a miracle?

This blog is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter challenge, #MentalHealth, #Discrimination, #AccessToEducation.