#Dysphoric – A four-part documentary series by Vaishanvi Sundar

I am quoting the synopsis from the movie crew, as I feel that there can be no better way to clearly communicate what this documentary series is all about. 

Synopsis:

In this dystopian world where misogyny is rampant, and womanhood is commodified, being female comes at a cost. Corporates capitalise on women's bodies blurring the lines of biological sex and profiting from the empirically untested pseudo-science of queer theory. This gaslighting is aided by the complicity of media, academia, legal and the political world. It is no surprise that young girls are fleeing womanhood like a house on fire.

The past decade has seen a steep rise in the number of young girls seeking to transition by undergoing life threatening, irreversible procedures. ‘Dysphoric’ is a four-part documentary series on the rise of Gender Identity Ideology, its effects on women and girls - especially in developing countries. 

The film explores gender transition, the permanent medical side-effects of hormones and surgeries, the propaganda by 'woke' corporations that glorifies thousands of stereotypical gender presentations coalesced as fashion, a surge in pronoun policing; language hijacking that calls women ‘menstruators’, and the many hurdles women face while trying to question this modern-day misogyny. The film amplifies the voices of detransitioners, clinicians, psychiatrists, sociologists, feminists, academics and concerned citizens.

I was intrigued to watch the documentary series because of the message on the director’s FB timeline, which stated that she would keep uploading every time it gets pulled down. She also is looking for someone to help her to write or talk about this on mainstream media, as she feels that this needs to get attention and discussed as well and I concur. 

The series talks about the narrative surrounding the #GenderDysphoria diagnosis, ensuing hormone-blocking practices, and gender change surgeries by professionals, dissenters, and detransitioners, highlighting the various issues including certain gaps in processes that need to be followed. The focus is on the traumatic experience of the whole transitioning and detransitioning process, which includes not just the physical trauma, but also the emotional rollercoaster and the most pertinent question of ‘informed consent’ for gender change procedures and surgeries by children younger than 16 years of age, when they are developmentally too young to understand the concept of static duality of biological sex and gender identity. 

The 4-part series progressively addresses the various layers of issues surrounding this and why it is essential that we all understand and remain curious about what Gender Dysphoria (#GD) means, without oversimplifying the equation of #GD and Gender Identity. As we view one part after the other, we realise why it is important to create safe spaces to talk about the condition much longer, go through therapy to delve deeper and understand the condition before arriving at a concrete course of action addressing the GD, especially if the action is to embark on an irreversible physical life-altering decision!

There are #detransitioners and #dissenters, their family and therapist also sharing their journey and hence I think this documentary needs to be watched by anyone and everyone as gives a perspective that is easily relatable, irrespective of who you are. Please take some time out to watch this series and understand more about Gender Dysphoria and its ramifications in our world, especially for a woman. 

This post is part of #CauseAChatter with Blogchatter. #LiftEveryVoice 

The Conundrum of the Gendered Glasses

Riya wants to get back to work just a month after her daughter was born. She has been well advised by her gynecologist and pediatrician about what she needs to do for her baby and care for herself when she takes on the additional load of being a working parent in the first year of child care. Her family though supportive of her decision is concerned for her health. She can hear some comments that judge her for making the choice to get back to work that early. She steps into her workplace, she can hear whispers of conversation that she knows is about her being back at work so soon.

"How could she leave a month old baby in someone's care and be here at work so soon?"

"She values career over her child. Poor child. It will grow up aching for its mother!"

Such comments were a couple among many more that judge her of being a bad parent despite the fact that her child is in good and safe hands. Riya's spouse is a consultant and has the flexibility to work at his convenience without any impact on his career or the income. Still, these comments just get passed with no care on how it could affect Riya.

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Mahesh visited his wife and son in the hospital where she delivered, to say bye to her as he was leaving for the USA that evening, on a long term assignment. Vani tried her level best to see if she could defer his travel for a few more months till she and her son could travel with him. Mahesh refused and everyone else, including her own parents, convinced her that her ask for Mahesh to cancel or defer to stay back with her till she was travel-ready wasn't fair. She wondered how he could leave so soon after becoming a father, unfortunately, she was the only one who thought that way!

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Siva has an offer letter from a Fortune500 as a trainee business analyst and can start work once he completes his graduation. He is passionate about Dance & Theater. He is an amazing singer and a scriptwriter. He was a very active member of the Theaters club at his university. He also had applied to a small theater group that was active in his home town, when on campus and has an invitation letter for an appointment to discuss his future with the group! He is afraid that his father would not let him choose the latter despite it being his passion. In addition to passion, he also excels in the skills to succeed in this line of career. His father's dream was for him to join a Fortune company. When he asks for help from his uncle and mother to convince his father to agree to the theater option, both of them deny and in turn tell him that he should take up the corporate offer letter. A career in the fine arts wasn't easy and that he would face a lot of hardships. A very upset Siva sat down to write an apology mail for not being able to make it to the meeting with the theater group as it was the same day of his joining at the corporate firm!

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Nila wanted to serve the nation by being part of the National Defence. The instant she told this decision to her family, she was met with vehement denial citing various reasons some of which even hurt her self-image and questioned her capabilities. Her family in unison said that a career in defence was not for girls and that she should choose options like homemaking, nutrition & dietetics, beautician and such, that were well suited for girls to pursue as a profession. No amount of discussion could change her family's opinion and she was forced to take up Psychology as her choice of graduation.

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Each of these snippets above is an example of how gender norms and stereotyping adds to the stress of being judged or forced to choosing something that isn't their own! 

The first two snippets show the difference in the way people treat the life choices made by individuals based on their gender and the associated gender norms. A father leaving a newborn for work-related reasons is not even discussed but a mother choosing to go back to work very soon after childbirth is judged for making that choice. In fact, Vani is judged for asking her husband to postpone the work travel so that he can be with her and his son.  

The right to make a choice is basic irrespective of gender. Whether a man decides to take up the role of a househusband or pursue a career in gynecology or beauty, it is his personal choice to make based on his interest and ability. Similarly, if a woman wishes to become a biker, war journalist, or heavyweight champion, it is her choice to make. Gender and gender norms should not interfere with this process. The freedom to decide what they wish to do with their lives must be theirs to make despite their gender.

The above was a creation for the tagged challenge #EachForEqual #6Blogsin6Days blogs on Momspresso in March 2020, just before lockdown. There were 5 more written in the same theme which you can read (for now) here:

Breaking Stereotypes as Parents (Proud Mommy Moment)

Breaking Stereotypes - Role of Media

Respect - A Two Way Street   

Homemaker or Professional Parents    

Hierarchical or Equal - How do you see the World around?

My Perspectives on “Shakuntala Devi” by Anu Menon

Even while being locked inside the home during this unprecedented Covid19 lockdown, I managed to see the movie Shakuntala Devi by Anu Menon – an Amazon Prime exclusive release, only recently. One word to summarize the movie is ‘Awesome’. The life story of the ‘Human Computer’ has been given a focus from humanising her as a Mother and a self-made Entrepreneur and the angle of mental health of the woman, from the viewpoint of her daughter.

Every dialogue, every incident, and every personal struggle that unfolded in this genius’ life has been well captured - in the choice of words used for dialogues, narration, or enacting by lead characters.

The dialogues that I related very well with

'हर माँ बुरी माँ होती है ।' (Har Maa Buri Maa Hoti Hai) – ‘Every mother is a bad mother’ - A statement that Anu’s (Daughter of Shakuntala Devi) mother-in-law tells Anu when she self criticizes her inability to put her own daughter to sleep and is torn from within, due hormonal, psychological & physiological mess that pregnancy, delivery, perinatal care leaves a mother in. Even my daughter who watched this movie had a reaction to this sequence of dialogues – She asked me with eyes popping out ‘So do you really spoil us either way?’

'मैंने अपने माँ को सिर्फ एक माँ के रूप में देखा, उसे एक औरत के नज़रिये से देखा ही नहीं!' (Meine apne maa ko sirf ek maa ke roop mein dheka, use ek aurath ke nazariye se dheka hi nahi) – ‘I never understood my Mom as a woman and only looked at her as a mother’. This line at the end of the movie summarises the hate and anger that almost every daughter has towards her mother while growing up and vows to never become like her mother (very few idolise their mother during their teenage).

These two statements break the circle of toxicity that surrounds a woman due to the socio-cultural expectations of a woman and a mother. The movie very beautifully unfolds by trying to highlight this inner battle that every woman goes through in her life trying to be who she is and trying to fit herself in the mold of who she should be. It tugs at my heartstring every time the insecurity of having to choose responsibility above passion, in the fear of losing a battle – a battle more within me rather than with any external factor.

How complex have we made the society with gender-based norms and clichés, that anything we discuss always seems like going in circles, with seemingly no end, unless we break it with self-reflection and realisation!

Another line that I loved was the one by Tarabai (Sheeba Chadda), 'एक लड़की जो अपनी मन की  सुनती है और दिल खोल के हस्ती है, मर्द के लिए उससे डरावना क्या हो सकता है?' (Ek ladki jo apni man ki sunti hai aur dil khol ke hasti hai, mardo ke liye usse daravana kya ho sakta hai?) – A girl who follows her heart, laughs loudly with no inhibitions, is already a reason to be scared in the perspective of men. The free spirit of wanting to enjoy life and live in the moment is well brought out by the most talented Vidhya Balan (as Shakunthala Devi) and also by Sanya Malhotra (as Anupama).

But the best dialogue that brings out the prevalent sexism, that is not only there in India but worldwide, is the dialogue between young Shakuntala and her sister

Shakuntala’s sister: एक दिन तू भी बहुत बड़ी आदमी बनेगी। (Ek din tu bhi bahut badi aadmi banegi - One day you will become a great man).

Shakuntala: आदमी क्यों बनूँगी? (Aadmi kyun banungi? - Why will I become a man?)

Shakuntala’s sister: बड़ी औरत बनूँगी थोड़ी कुछ है? (Badi aurat banungi thodi kuch hota hai? - There is no term like great woman)

Shakuntala: फिर तो मैं बड़ी औरत ही बनूँगी! (Fir toh main badi aurat hi banungi! - Then I will surely become a great woman)

This also showed the grit, determination, and fearless nature of young Shakuntala who would grow up to challenge this world and its (gender) norms!

For me, this movie showed how a young girl child grows up to be a successful woman known worldwide, despite the personal struggles that she has at every stage, not just with the society but with herself being torn between who she should be and who she is. Despite this struggle and many setbacks, she is able to stay true to her words 'मैं कभी नहीं हारति, always remember that!' (Main kabhi nahi haarti always remember that! - I never fail, always remember that). This attitude to never give up is what always gives her the strength to pull herself out of any situation, even the emotional mess that she herself creates for her and her loved ones. This also allows her to accept ‘What is’ before finding the ‘What next’, even if it means accepting the slew of charges that her daughter (through the hired lawyer) files against her in a criminal case against her own mother! It turns out that this was as a result of another one of the dramatical steps taken by Shakuntala (who owns up to the dramatical nature of Indians earlier in the movie) to get in touch with her daughter, who refuses to even answer phone calls from her mother’s secretary.

The movie also very nicely captures the nurturing side of men in the charaterisation of Javier (Shakuntala’s mentor, who develops a liking for her and as per Shakuntala her lover as she professes when he leaves her, as he feels that she does not need him anymore), Paritosh Banerji (Shakuntala’s husband who gives a very beautiful definition for loving his wife – ‘To love Shakuntala is to Let her go’ breaking the stereotype of a controlling patriarchal male figure), and Amit Sadh (Anupama’s husband. The lovely banter that goes back-and-forth between this young couple and how at every juncture he is characterised as a supportive husband who tells her to deal with her internal struggles with herself, her parents and his parents instead of jumping on him or any other unsuspecting person, who unknowingly becomes a trigger for her unresolved issues to surface).

By the end of the movie, I was in tears mainly because of how beautifully the message on the importance of addressing one’s mental trauma, especially childhood trauma with one’s own parents was highlighted. When this is not addressed, it can have a huge impact on the child’s self-image and self-worth during their lifetime! Nothing or no one can satiate the thirst of this child to be someone unless this early trauma is addressed!

Makes me very happy that such movies and messages can be part of commercialised cinema as well so that it reaches the masses. Added pride is that I am a part of the proud alumni network as the director of the movie!

Note to the movie crew: I saw this movie on a weekday evening around 5 p.m. My son (9 yrs old) saw half the movie and then went out to play with his friends. When it was dinner time and I was in the kitchen, my son was convincing my daughter (13 yrs old) to watch this movie as their dinner-time movie. His pitch was ‘Oh this is a movie about a girl who is a Math genius and can find cube roots faster than a computer’ and they start watching. My daughter tells me when I come out to join them with my dinner plate, ‘I have been smiling ear-to-ear while watching the movie so far and I do not know why I am smiling. She (Shakuntala) is trying so hard (to prove herself).’

Thank you team Shakuntala for engaging children from different age groups and gender with a riveting storyline and screenplay. I had to create a logical break for them to stick to their weekday routine for bed so that they wake up well rested for the online school the next morning. They came back to the movie to complete watching it the next day evening after school!

Gratitude: I am very grateful that this movie has brought to life the internal struggles of people who do not fit the norm of society, not just Shakuntala or Anupama, but also in the form of their supportive and understanding husbands. It enables the discussion on perception and the resulting stress that a person goes through due to perceived notions (real or hypothetical, self-directed or external). It also brings to light the power of looking within to break the cycle of toxicity by accepting ‘What is’ and then addressing ‘What can be done’ to bring contentment in one’s life!

If I have to dissect the aspects of this gratitude then I will have to elaborately speak on every frame of this movie that seems to bring out layers of human nature, emotions, perception and the behaviour that these emotions & perception result in, based on the circumstances at a particular instance of an individual’s life. Doing that level of analysis will result in my writing a book (and not an article about the movie) on life philosophies that are deeply rooted in behavioural science fundamentals!

As an end note, I would like to leave you all with this food for thought: The good, bad, ugly and nasty emotions, and ensuing behaviour are all part of each and every one of us. This movie very beautifully brought that aspect of human nature to light by seamlessly bringing this in every character (central or otherwise) of the plot. Highly recommended watch.